Hiding my Heart
by Trapped in a MatchBox
Summary: Kate met Rick by accident one cold morning in Central Park. Based on Adele's song with the same title. Completely AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So yeah, I'm starting a new story. Fear not, I am not abandoning Someone Like You. I am just currently trying to find my muse for it again. While I do that, I decided to put this idea on paper. It's completely AU and I hope you'll give it a chance. The title is based on the song "Hiding my Heart" by Adele.**

**Disclaimer: Castle obviously isn't mine.**

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><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Detective Kate Beckett reached out and slammed her hand on the nightstand, accidentally knocking her alarm clock to the ground. The insistent beeping sound had pulled her right out of the peaceful slumber she had finally succumbed to after tossing and turning in her bed for hours, praying that sleep would come. It had been a very stressful couple of weeks investigating the murder of young Charlie Parson, an 8-year-old who had been found dead in a dumpster with bruises on his neck.

It had been a really trying case – all cases involving children always were – but Charlie had been murdered by his mother's new boyfriend and proving that he was guilty had been the most complicated part. For days her team tried to break his alibi and only yesterday they finally managed to get a confession. The guy was behind bars and would stay there for a good, long time, but that didn't make her feel all that better. Little Charlie was still dead and his mother was completely broken without her child.

Kate always tried her best to compartmentalize the different areas of her life and never bring work home with her, but this case had gotten under her skin. Last night, when she crawled into bed in a heap of exhaustion, every time she closed her eyes she saw Kelly Parson breaking down. It was an image she was sure she wouldn't forget any time soon.

Shaking her head to try and dispel the horrible images of the boy's body from her mind, she sat up in bed and rubbed the sleep off her eyes groggily. Looking to her right, she found the alarm clock on the floor indicating that it was still 6:30 and there was no reason for her to be up yet. The Captain had given her team a day off and she had planned to sleep in as late as she liked. Of course she should've known that it wouldn't be that easy after such a difficult case.

With a sigh, she got up and stretched her still exhausted body. Her left shoulder still hurt from where she had taken the blow of a bullet the day before. She had had her bullet proof vest on, but the impact had still been painful. She was sure she probably had a bruise the size of China there now, but she didn't care. At least she was alive and that stupid son of a bitch was going to rot in jail for the rest of his sorry life for murdering an innocent child.

Half an hour later, she was throwing on yoga pants and a t-shirt before making her way to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. While it was brewing, she collected the newspaper sitting outside her door and sat down at the kitchen table to read it. It was so rare for her to have time to do something like this that she cherished this chance to just sit and do nothing for a change. Feeling slightly more energized after her breakfast, she got up and went to retrieve her NYU hoodie from her room, putting it on while looking for her cell phone. Finally finding it on the couch, she checked the new text message waiting for her, smiling at her sister's excitement. Her 21st birthday was this weekend and Emily was planning to party like a rockstar to celebrate her coming of age – or freedom, as she had so cleverly put the last time they had seen each other a few days before.

Pocketing her cell phone after texting her back, Kate grabbed her keys and closed the door behind her. Since she couldn't sleep, she was going to go for a run at Central Park to burn out this residue energy in her body. Maybe after that, she would finally be able to get a few decent hours of sleep. Hitting a rhythm as soon as she left her building, Kate let her mind wander. It pained her so much that her parents weren't here to see Emily turn 21. Just like they weren't here to see her when she graduated from college, then from the NYPD Academy. They weren't here to celebrate with her when she was named the youngest woman to ever make detective in the NYPD a couple years back. It hurt so much that they hadn't seen Emily grow up and become this amazing young woman.

In two months, it would be the 10th anniversary of their death, of that horrible summer day when she had gotten home with an 11-year-old Emily to find her parents dead in the kitchen. No matter how hard she tried, how many therapy sessions she went to, she would never be able to purge that image from her mind, the way their blood puddled around their bodies in the light colored floor.

Shaking her head again as she entered Central Park, she tried to think of something else. It would do her no good to go down that train of thought. Not today, when she was already exhausted and much more susceptible to nightmares when she finally managed to get some sleep. She should concentrate on choosing Emily's present. It had to be something special, but she still had no clue of what she could give her. She had already casually asked her what she would like for her birthday, but she had only shrugged and said that her presence was all she wanted. Kate didn't blame her. Ever since she had joined the NYPD, she had more than irregular work hours and it was a common occurrence to miss birthdays and special dates. She had promised this time, though. Whatever happened this weekend, she would make it to her sister's party. Now she just had to find the perfect present for her little sister and everything would be right in her world.

Just as she finished that thought and made a turn on the path surrounding the lake, a red headed blur racing in her direction almost made her lose her balance. She stopped abruptly when the kid bumped into her and held onto him so he wouldn't fall with the impact. Trying to catch her breath, she crouched down to the boy's level to check if he was okay.

"Hey, buddy. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" She asked gently and the boy shook his head, his red hair flying into his eyes. He looked adorable, even if he was still a little stunned from the impact on her legs, and Kate smiled at him. "You gotta be careful, okay? Look where you're going so you won't get hurt." She stood up and he looked up at her, his freckles making a cute path on his nose and cheeks.

"Sorry, Miss. I didn't mean to." He looked down sheepishly and Kate had to hide a smile at his adorableness. He didn't look any older than six, maybe seven years old.

"No harm done, sweetie. Where are your parents? You shouldn't be running off by yourself." She asked and he turned around and pointed to the direction he had come from.

"My daddy and my sister are over there. I was just showing daddy how fast I could run. I won the race yesterday at school." He said proudly and Kate chuckled, nodding.

"Well, that's awesome, buddy." She said and started walking in the direction of where he said his father was. "Now, you should go back to-"

"Jamie!" A voice interrupted them and Kate looked up to see a tall, dark haired guy walking towards them holding a little girl's hand. "Jamie, where did you run off to? Don't do that again." He scolded the child when he reached them. Then his eyes widened when he noticed Kate. "Oh, hi."

"Daddy, I ran into this lady, but she was really nice to me and didn't let me fall." Jamie told his father with a smile and Kate noticed his two bottom front teeth were missing. Suddenly, she realized who she was standing in front of, her brain having just connected the two images. She turned back to him, stunned.

"Hi." She swallowed hard, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Thanks for taking care of him. He likes to run off sometimes." He shook his head at his son, who bit his lip and looked down. "I'm Rick Castle." He offered his hand to her and Kate shook it in a daze. Sweet Jesus, she was standing right in front of her favorite author, _talking to him_.

"Nice to meet you." She managed to say and congratulated herself for sounding so firm. " I'm Kate Beckett." He smiled at her and she felt her insides doing summersaults.

"Nice to meet you, Kate." He smiled with his eyes, she noticed, finally letting go of his hand. "The little wild creature here is Jamie and this is Alexis." He ran a hand through the shy little girl's hair and Kate smiled at her.

"Twins?" She asked curiously, surprised that she was able maintain a conversation with him without visibly freaking out.

"Yeah." He nodded with a sigh and looked down at his kids. "Don't let those angel faces fool you, though." He grinned at her and she found herself grinning back and it all felt so surreal. "We were just going to grab some hot chocolate when Jamie here decided to disappear. It got really cold really fast, huh?"

"Yeah." She agreed. Now that she had stopped running, she was starting to feel goosebumps spreading out on her skin as the cold sunk in. "Well, I won't keep you guys. It was really nice to meet you, Mr. Castle. And you guys too." She added, smiling at the kids.

"Hey, if you're not busy or anything, you're welcome to join us." He invited and Kate bit her lip. Jamie and Alexis looked at her expectantly.

"I wouldn't want to intrude…" She started, shoving her hands in her hoodie front pockets.

"You should come with us, Miss Beckett." Jamie encouraged and his freckled face broke out in a smile. "It's going to be fun."

"Daddy always lets us put marshmallows in our hot chocolate." Alexis chimed in shyly and Kate smiled at her, pondering her options. Just as she was trying to come up with an excuse, it started to snow.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." She said quietly, looking up at the sky as small flakes of snow fell around them.

"I know, right? It's April, for God's sake." He agreed with her and then lifted his eyebrows. "Come on, it's snowing. You shouldn't be out here by yourself."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I'm a cop; I can take care of myself." She dismissed his concern with a wave of her hand.

"Wow, really? That's so cool. I never would've pegged you for the cop type. No offense." He added quickly when she looked up at him. "Come on, you can tell me all about your job while we get some coffee." He insisted and she rolled her eyes.

Wait.

Was he _flirting_ with her?

No. No way. That was just not possible.

"Alright, you win." She gave in and watched as the kids high fived him, a chuckle escaping her lips. "Where to, Mr. Castle?"

"Oh, we always go to this awesome little café, just outside the north entrance. And please call me Rick." He beamed at her and she felt herself blushing slightly. This was ridiculous. What the hell was she doing?

"Alright, lead the way."

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><p>"So, a cop, huh?" He said when they settled at a booth with their hot beverages. "How did that happen?" He asked curiously and Kate sighed. She always got that exact same question whenever she told anyone she was a cop.<p>

"Detective, actually. And…" she took a deep breath, looking at the kids who were watching her interestedly. Jamie had sat next to her and seemed to be enamored with her, which she found completely and utterly adorable. "It's a long, complicated story, really and…" He reached out and touched her hand for a moment, making her thought process come to a halt when she felt his touch.

"Say no more. You don't have to tell us." He smiled at her understandingly and she nodded, gratefully.

"Do you catch bad guys, Ms. Beckett?" Jamie asked and sipped his hot chocolate carefully after blowing on it.

"I do, yes." She gave him a smile and he looked at her in awe.

"That's so cool." He marveled at her and she laughed, especially when she noticed he had a milk mustache. She shook her head, amused, and reached out to wipe it away. Realizing what she was doing, she stopped halfway and looked at Rick, who nodded with a hint of a smile.

"I'm glad you think so, Jamie." She did, wiping the mustache away gently.

"We always play cops and robbers at school, right, Lexi?" He turned to his sister, who nodded. "Lexi doesn't like it much, but she plays with us sometimes." He explained to a very interested Kate.

"Yeah? What do you like to do instead, Alexis?" she asked the girl softly.

"I like my books and my dolls and stuff. But Jamie doesn't like to play with them." She explained quietly and Kate nodded. "I play with my friend Paige sometimes."

"She is really shy." Rick explained quietly when the kids went to the counter to pick a dessert a few minutes later. "They are complete opposites, it's freaky sometimes."

"They're both really sweet." Kate offered, terrified of saying the wrong thing about his kids. "But Jamie seems to be a lot more outgoing."

"Oh, he is. He's the life and soul of everywhere he goes, really. And Lexi is just really quiet, you know? Loves her books." He smiled, turning to check on them.

"How old are they?"

"Six."

"You know, I was a lot like her at that age. Lived in my own little world. My sister is my total opposite, though." She said, sipping her cappuccino.

"Younger or older?" he asked and she could tell that he was genuinely interested, which just made the butterflies in her stomach go slightly crazier.

"A lot younger. We're almost ten years apart in age. She's really great." She said proudly. She thanked god every day that Emily had turned out to be such an amazing young woman and she was incredibly proud of her sister.

"Wow, that's quite a gap." He commented and she nodded with a laugh.

"My parents used to say she was the best accident ever." She smiled fondly at the memory and took another sip.

"Used to?" He asked curiously and Kate felt her chest tighten as a wave of grief washed through her.

"They passed away a few years ago. It's just me and Emily now." She looked down at her almost empty cup and sighed, closing her eyes for a moment.

"Oh, Kate, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to…" He reached out and grabbed her hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

"No, don't worry about it. It was a long time ago." She offered him a small, sad smile and pulled her hand away after a few seconds. Normally she would never let someone she didn't know get in her personal space like that, but there was something different about him and she couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"Daddy, can we have a bear claw?" Alexis appeared on the side of the booth, brushing away her bangs.

"Sure, sweetie. Go ahead." He nodded and the cute red head ran back to her brother. Kate stared quietly out the window, her mind going back to happier times when her parents were still alive, and jumped, startled, when his voice interrupted her thoughts. "Looks like we're stuck here for a while." He commented and she looked at him, then back out the window. It was snowing harder and she sighed, resting her head on the glass window. "Do you have to get to work?" He asked and she shook her head.

"Day off." She turned to look at him again and found him watching her, which made her blush slightly. She still couldn't fathom the reason why he seemed to be so interested in her. "Don't they have to go to school?"

"Teacher's conference day or something like that." He explained and she nodded. "So tell me something about yourself, Detective Beckett." He grinned at her, his eyes sparkling.

"What do you want to know?" She asked with a small smile and rested her head on the window again.

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><p>When they left the café, a couple of hours later, Kate had his number and the strangest giddy feeling in the pit of her stomach.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: What do you think? Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh, my god, you guys. I am seriously speechless with the overwhelming response to this story. I am so so glad you like my crazy idea and so pumped to write this new story. Really. Thank you so much!**

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.**

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><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

"Katie?"

She heard Emily's voice sounding through the apartment as her sister let herself in. Kate had just gotten home from the precinct and was about to take a shower and get ready for Emily's party. The girl had been so excited all week, texting her several times a day with ideas of where to celebrate her birthday, and had finally decided on a club in Chelsea just the night before.

"Bathroom." She called out, taking her necklace off and setting it on the counter. She had had a long day of paperwork and was actually looking forward to going out tonight. She needed to relax and this would be the perfect opportunity.

"Hey." Emily poked her head in and smiled at her. "Do you mind if I get ready here? Then we can go together." Her light brown hair was coming out of her loose ponytail, the strands framing her face. The smile playing on her lips lit up her blue eyes, so much like their father's.

"You're just making up an excuse to raid my closet, Em. I'm onto you." Kate narrowed her eyes playfully at her sister before pulling her in for a hug. "Happy birthday, bug." She whispered in Emily's ear, feeling the young woman – now as tall as she was – hug her back tightly.

"Thanks, sis." She said and Kate thought she saw a hint of tears in her eyes, but decided to let it go. "I can't believe you're actually going this year. It's going to be so much fun, Katie. I just know it." Emily beamed at her and Kate shook her head, amused. "So… can I check out your closet, dearest sister of mine?"

"Will it make any difference if I say no?" Kate laughed when she shook her head. "Then go ahead. Just don't take the clothes laid out on my bed." She called out as Emily stormed out of the bathroom.

"Thanks, Katie." She called back. "And don't hog all the hot water." She added when Kate turned the shower on.

Her little sister was turning 21 today. _Twenty-one years old_. Time went by so fast.

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><p>The club was packed. Kate had to maneuver around people so not to bump into anyone as Emily dragged her across the dance floor. They had just gotten in and her sister was all but jumping up and down with excitement to order herself her first alcoholic beverage. Kate tagged along, amused by her antics, but vowed to herself to keep an eye on Emily all night. Of legal age or not, she was still her baby sister and she had to look out for her.<p>

Her friend Lanie from work had agreed to meet her at the club, so Kate wouldn't be stuck with a bunch of college co-eds all night. Not that she really minded; she actually liked Emily's friends, but sometimes the age difference was glaringly obvious, especially in circumstances like this. Besides, she just wanted Emily to have fun tonight and not worry about keeping her company like she usually did.

The lights shining on the dance floor made her feel like she was walking in slow motion and the walk to the bar seemed endless. When they finally arrived at the counter, Kate let out a sigh of relief when she saw Lanie already there sipping a martini.

"Hey, girl." Lanie smiled at her when Kate and Emily approached. "And hello to you birthday girl." She pulled Emily into a hug. "Can't believe you're 21 already, little Beckett."

"I know, right?" Emily grinned happily and signaled the bartender. "Excuse me." She called out, ready to order her first drink of the night.

"Hey, Ms. Twenty-One. Careful tonight, alright?" Kate put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze. "Have fun, but try not to get too carried away."

"Don't worry about me, Katie. You know I'm a good girl." She winked at her and Kate rolled her eyes with a smile. The bartender came back and handed them their drinks. "Thanks, handsome." She smiled at the guy behind the counter and paid for their drinks, not giving Kate time to reach for her wallet.

"Em, it's your birthday. Let me buy you a drink." Kate complained, but Emily just touch her glass to her sister's and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Next round is on you, then, big sister." She gave Kate a peck on the cheek and made her way to the dance floor to find her friends. "And try to have some fun." She called out over her shoulder, making Lanie laugh quietly.

"That girl is going to give you gray hairs soon, honey." Lanie teases, taking another sip from her martini.

"Oh, don't even say that. She's an adult now, can you believe it?" Kate laughed and sipped her vodka and tonic. "Remember when she was that tall, awkward 15-year-old? Wasn't that like, yesterday?"

"They grow up so fast. And you did a good job with her, Kate." Lanie nudged Kate's side as they leaned against the counter, facing the dance floor. "I'm sure your parents would be really proud."

"Yeah." Kate sighed, looking down at the clear liquid in her glass. "I just wish they were here to see her, you know? They missed out on so much." She took another sip, this time a big one, feeling the vodka burn down her throat. "Anyway, let's dance?" She suggested and finished her drink in another two gulps. Lanie downed the rest of her martini and grinned.

"That's my girl. Come on." They left their empty glasses on the counter and made their way to the dance floor.

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><p>A couple of hours later, Kate decided to take a break from dancing. She was sweaty and she was sure her carefully applied make up was ruined, so she figured a visit to the ladies room was a good idea. Lanie had found a dance partner and was busy seducing the guy – cute too, Kate thought with a smile, remembering how she had given Lanie two thumbs up as she had excused herself – so Kate thought she would take a breather and maybe get a drink. Her feet were killing her already and she was starting to regret wearing those ridiculously high heels. Pushing the door into the ladies room, she relieved herself first – thanking whatever higher power was out there that there was no line – and then reapplied her makeup. She had arrived at the club with her hair up in a messy, stylish bun, but that had gone to hell already. Not having the patience to do it up again, she just pulled the clips out of her hair and decided to leave it down. Checking herself out in the mirror, she pushed her hair behind her ear, wondering if it was time to get a haircut. It was already past her shoulders and sometimes it was impractical with her line of work.<p>

Deeming herself presentable again, Kate smiled at her reflection, adding one last touch of lipstick, and left the ladies room. Looking down at her purse, trying to close it, she didn't notice when a guy stepped out of the men's room and crossed her path. The collision made her clutch fall down and her things scatter all over the floor.

"Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I didn't see you." She heard the guy apologizing, but shook her head, looking up to offer him a friendly smile.

"No, it was my fault. Don't… hey." Her smile grew when she realized who was picking up her things. Rick Castle was busy collecting her cell phone and only looked up when she greeted him.

"Kate." His slow smile made the butterflies in her stomach do a tap dance number and she found herself looking into his blue eyes, his face suddenly too close to hers. "Hi." He breathed and stood up, handing over her things. "What are you doing here?" He touched her elbow and guided her out of the way, where people were trying to get into the ladies room.

"It's my sister's birthday. What are you doing here?"

They hadn't seen each other since that morning in Central Park four days ago. Kate hadn't expected him to call – okay, maybe she had, but when there was no sign of him after two days, she gave up and decided to get on with her life – and had been incredibly busy at the precinct, investigating a double murder. She usually forgot about it during the day, but every night, as she crawled into bed with one of his books, she recalled every detail of their encounter on that snowy Monday morning.

"Oh, it's a publicity thing. My publicist ordered me to go out and be seen. Have a life." He explained with a laugh and Kate nodded, chuckling. "I'm sorry I didn't call, by the way. I meant to, I promise. But Alexis came down with a nasty cold and Jamie caught it from her…" He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "Anyway, it's been an eventful couple of days. That's why I didn't call." His hand left her elbow to travel to the small of her back, guiding her back to the bar.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I meant to call you too, but I've been crazy busy at work these past few days." She told him as they walked through the throngs of people dancing. She was acutely aware of his hand on the small of her back and could feel the warmth emanating from it and seeping into her body. "I'm only here tonight because of Emily. She would never forgive me if I missed her 21st birthday party." She offered him a small smile and he smiled back, signaling the bartender.

"Well, I'll have to thank her for that. Do you want something to drink?" He asked, his hand still on the small of her back.

"Sure. Vodka and tonic?" She told the bartender and turned back to him, waiting for him to finish his order. "So how are the kids? Are they feeling better?" She asked when he looked back at her, resting her elbow on the counter and head on her hand.

"Yeah, thank god. My mother is babysitting tonight and I promised to do a movie marathon with them tomorrow to make up for tonight." He explained and she nodded with a small smile. He seemed to be such a nice guy and a really good dad; so completely different than what she had thought he would be, based on what she had read online. "They talked about you a lot these past few days. Especially Jamie. I think he is in love." He grinned at her teasingly and she nudged his side, laughing. "Well, you know what they say, good taste runs in the family."

"Really, Mr. Castle? _They_ say?" She teased, accepting her drink from the bartender. Rick paid for the drinks and turned back to her, grinning.

"Of course. And you know you can't argue with those sayings." He said and they toasted.

"Of course." She rolled her eyes and shook her head, amused. He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her neck for a few seconds.

"I'm really glad I found you again, Kate." He said softly and she would have missed it if he hadn't been standing so close to her. When had they gotten so close again?

"Right back at you." She gave him a somewhat shy smile and he beamed at her, their eyes locking on one another.

"Katie, there you are. I've been looking all over for you." Emily's voice interrupted them and Kate was the first to look away, wondering what the hell had just happened. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just talk to you later, Katie."

"No, Em, that's okay. What is it?" Kate swallowed hard, trying to get her breathing under control. What the hell had just happened a moment ago and why was she feeling so breathless? She chanced a glance to her left and found Rick running his hand through his hair, apparently struggling like she was.

"Nothing, just wanted to check on you. Hadn't seen you in a while and I found Lanie dancing rather close to this guy, if you know what I mean." Emily smirked and Kate laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, I thought I should give them some privacy." She grinned and took a sip of her drink. "By the way, Rick, this is my sister Emily. Em, this is my friend Rick."

"Oh, so you're the famous Emily." Rick smiled at her. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks, Rick. It's nice to meet you. Take good care of my sister here." She nudged Kate's side and ordered another drink. "I'll talk to you later, Katie. Have fun." She said, paying for her drink and walked back to the dance floor. Kate chuckled when she gave her two thumbs up and mouthed "Totally approved" before losing herself in the crowd.

"Quite a character, your sister." Rick commented after a moment and Kate nodded, chuckling.

"Yeah, you can say that again." She leaned her back against the counter and took another sip of her drink. Now that their moment had been broken, her throat suddenly felt like the Sahara desert and she didn't quite know what to say.

"So, can I have this dance, Detective Beckett?" He asked after a couple of minutes and she sighed relieved. Finishing off her drink and putting the empty glass on the counter, she took his outstretched hand.

"Lead the way, Mr. Castle." She grinned at him and bit her lip in anticipation when his fingers threaded through hers.

He led her through the crowd until he found a more secluded spot on the other end of the dance floor that wasn't so crowded. Kate didn't recognize the song that was playing, but it was upbeat and she soon found herself moving to the rhythm. Rick kept a respectful distance from her at first, but a few minutes later, she felt his hands find home at her hips. The contact startled her and she felt her body stiffen for half a second, before relaxing and covering one of his hands with hers.

With her high heels, they were practically the same height and after a few minutes, they were dancing so close together that she could feel all the lines of his body against hers. It was exhilarating. She tried to chalk it up to not being with anyone for a while, but deep down, she knew it wasn't just that. There was a current, a magnetic force between them that she couldn't quite explain and, frankly, right at that moment, she didn't care. After six songs, she felt his hands move and his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer. She could feel his chest pressed against her back and it was all she could do not to turn around in his arms, even though the alcohol in her system and this energy between them begged her to do it.

"You're so beautiful, Kate."

His voice was suddenly in her ear and he was nuzzling her neck and she had to use all of her will power and restraint to not turn around and kiss him senseless. If she did that now, it could ruin everything. All she did instead was lean her head back on his shoulder and lace her fingers through his where they rested on her stomach. He took advantage of that and gently placed a kiss on her neck, making her sigh involuntarily.

This was getting way out of control.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped away from his arms, but he didn't let her go very far.

"What's wrong?" He asked and she shook her head, allowing him to still entwine their fingers.

"Nothing. Maybe…" She swallowed, trying to get her traitorous body under control. "Maybe we should go get something to drink?" Ice water preferably, she added in her mind.

"Alright, sure."

He looked confused and she felt bad for breaking their moment, but she didn't want to do something that she would just end up regretting later. Tugging on his hand, she led them through the crowd back to the bar. When they reached the lit up counter, she sighed heavily and bit her lip, closing her eyes for a moment. Signaling the bartender, she ordered some Coke with lots of ice. She needed to think straight again and her alcohol filled mind was not helping.

"Kate," His touch on her hips brought her out of her thoughts and she looked up at him. "I'm sorry if I did something to upset you back there. I guess I got a little carried away and…"

"No, no. Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. I just…" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I'm not very good at this." She confessed sheepishly. "I didn't want to do something I could possibly regret later, you know? After having too much to drink and all." She accepted the Coke from the bartender and was about to pay when Rick beat her to it. "Thanks." She murmured, counting the seconds for him to run from her. She had totally ruined this, she knew it.

"Hey, look at me." He said gently, touching her chin. "You're right and I guess you did the right thing." He gave her a small smile and she looked down at her glass again. "I like you, Kate. I really do. And maybe we should take this one step at a time?" He offered, but it ended up sounding like a question. "I mean, if you want to, that is." He added quickly and she looked up at him again, only to find him looking insecure and unsure.

"No, I do, I do. I'm sorry for ruining the moment back there." She offered him a shy smile and he shook his head, chuckling. Touching her hips again, he moved her until she was standing in front of him and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Is this okay?" He asked quietly and she nodded, relaxing into him. He seemed to find his confidence again and wrapped his arms around her waist again, giving her a light kiss on the cheek. "Can I take you out sometime soon?"

"Yeah." She nodded and covered his hand with hers before turning her head to look at him. "I'd like that." She smiled at him when his eyes lit up and squeezed his hand. Leaning in, she repeated his earlier move and kissed his cheek. "I'd really like that."

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><p><strong>AN: So... thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: You guys are awesome. I am so glad that you're enjoying this as much as I am. Really. Thank you so much.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is obviously not mine.**

* * *

><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

"So let me get this straight."

"Em…" Kate sighed and rolled her eyes, preparing herself for the inquisition she was sure was about to happen.

Emily took a bite out of the croissant and munched on it thoughtfully. It was the following morning and Kate had met her sister at a French Café near the NYU campus as it was tradition for them. Ever since Emily had started college, they would meet every Sunday for brunch to catch up. Sometimes, it was the only chance they had to see each other during the week.

"That guy, who was pretty hot, by the way," She added with a smirk. "is Richard Castle?"

"Yes. You should be a detective." Kate said wryly and Emily stuck her tongue out at her.

"Richard Castle, as in the guy who writes those mystery books you can't seem to live without." She licked the chocolate off her finger, clearly not caring about manners, Kate thought to herself. "Richard Castle, who you absolutely worship the very existence of for writing said books, is the guy who was all over you last night."

"I do not worship his existence." Kate hissed indignantly. Emily rolled her eyes.

"Oh, please, Katie. You're a total fangirl when it comes to this guy." She teased, taking a sip of her coffee. "Don't even try to deny it."

"I am not a fangirl, Emily. I just happen to enjoy his books a lot. That's all." Kate defended herself, but could feel a faint blush creeping up her neck guiltily.

"Fine, whatever, you're not. That's not the point." Emily dismissed her sister's claims with a wave of her hand. "The big question here is how on earth do you know him? I mean, it didn't seem like you had just met last night when I interrupted you guys. Sorry about that, by the way." She rattled off and Kate sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to escape this one.

"We met a few days ago at Central Park. His son nearly ran me over." Kate said, leaning back on her chair, and cradled her coffee mug with both hands to keep them occupied.

"Oh, so he has a kid. The plot thickens." She winked at her and Kate chuckled.

"Shut up, bug. Do you want me to tell you the story or not?"

"Please, do tell." Emily leaned forward and rested her chin on her hands. "I'm all ears."

"It's not much of a story, really. His son bumped into me when I went for a run. It started snowing and he invited me along to get a cup of coffee, since he was already taking the kids to get some hot chocolate. We were stuck in the café for a while and got to talking. And then I bumped into him last night at the club. The end."

"Oh, no. Definitely not 'the end', Katherine Beckett. Don't think I didn't see you and him on the dance floor ready to get down and dirty." She smirked and took another sip of her coffee. "So how did you guys go from having coffee with the kids to having eye sex at the club last night?"

"You're impossible." Kate glared at her sister, who kept looking at her expectantly, completely unfazed. "I don't know, Em. We didn't see each other after that morning until last night. I don't know what happened. There just seems to be this… _thing_, I guess, between us. I don't know how to explain." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Hm… that's interesting." Emily sat back in her chair and mimicked her sister, holding her own coffee mug.

"What?"

"Nothing, just… maybe this is what love at first sight is all about." Emily shrugged and she laughed. "What, you never know. Maybe he's your soul mate or something."

"Oh, bug, you're too romantic for your own good." Kate said, still chuckling.

"Well, are you going to see him again?" Emily asked, finishing off the last of her croissant.

"Yeah," Kate bit her lip to keep a smile at bay. "We're supposed to get together sometime this week. It depends on work and if he can get someone to watch the kids."

"Whoa, wait. Kids? As in, plural?" She looked at Kate, eyes wide, after nearly choking on her food.

"Twins."

"Holy shit, Katie." She cursed, taking a long sip of her coffee. "Twins? Oh, man."

"They're great kids, really." Kate shrugged nonchalantly while Emily stared at her like she had grown a second head.

"Two boys?"

"A boy and a girl, actually. Jamie and Alexis." She said, smiling at the memory of the time she had spent with the kids on Monday. Jamie had drawn her a picture, which had just made Alexis do one as well. In the end, she went home with two different drawings from each kid. She kept them inside the current book she was reading to mark the place she had stopped.

"You know, normally you'd be running for the hills if a guy you had the hots for had a kid. Now the guy has freaking twins and you're sitting here like you basically don't care." Emily mused and Kate rolled her eyes. "Mark my words, Katie. I think this guy is going to be really good for you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." Kate asked for the check and turned back to her sister. "We haven't even been on a date yet, Em. Don't go picking out our china just yet, okay?"

"When it finally happens, I'm going to really enjoy telling you I told you so." She threw a twenty dollar bill on the table, along with Kate's share. "Come on, big sis. What are our plans for today?"

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I'm letting you drag me to a kid's movie, bug." Kate complained as they approached the movie theater. Emily had looped her arm through hers and was leading her sister to the ticket booth.<p>

"Oh, come on, Katie. This is just something to distract our minds for a little while. I promise you'll like it. It's a really cute story." She encouraged when they got in line and Kate turned to look at her surprised.

"Wait, you've seen this already?" She asked and Emily shrugged. "Emily."

"Okay, so I went out with Peter last week and we watched this movie. Or part of it, at least." She said sheepishly, biting her lip, and Kate groaned. "But from what I did see, it was cute. And I want to pay attention this time. Come on, when have I ever steered you wrong?"

"I don't think we have time to list everything." Kate narrowed her eyes at her sister, who elbowed her lightly on her side. "Fine, whatever. Next time, I get to pick the movie."

They had been out all day, strolling through the streets of New York, catching up on each other's lives. Kate found out Emily was seeing a new guy, Peter Williams, and was very excited about it. Apparently they took biochemistry together and, after two semesters, he had finally asked her out. Kate was happy about her sister, even more so that she was able to have a normal college life, as opposed to what she had back when she was in college. When she thought back to her college days, she couldn't even remember much of the pre-murder days. She had gone to Stanford for her freshman year and her parents had been murdered during the summer before her sophomore year, when she had been home visiting. After that, she transferred to NYU so she could stay with Emily.

It had been so hard at first, juggling college and taking care of a kid – a grieving kid, no less – and deal with her own pain. She had seen a therapist for years after their parents' deaths and she still went from time to time now when things got too difficult and she needed to vent. After everything that had happened, she had closed up completely and, even though she tried really hard to open up to people, she still found that almost impossible to do. Lanie was one of the few people she had allowed to get closer to her and even so, she still didn't share a hell of a lot with her. Emily had been her rock throughout those years, but she still didn't tell her much. How could she unload all her fears and insecurities on a kid? Even now, that Emily was all grown up, she still kept herself locked inside her own protective shell.

"Come on, Katie." She dragged her to the snack bar after purchasing the tickets. "Can we get candy too?" She asked when they stopped at the counter, checking the options in front of them.

"How old are you again, bug?" Kate teased her and ordered a big popcorn combo with two sodas, along with a chocolate bar, after Emily stuck her tongue out jokingly. "There, happy, you big child?"

"Yes, thank you very much, sister dearest." She smirked and balanced their snacks while Kate paid for them. "Alright, let's go." She said after the kid gave her sister the receipt. "You know, you could give me a hand here." Emily complained and Kate was about to respond when she heard someone calling her name.

"It's Ms. Beckett. Daddy, look." Kate turned around when she heard her name and saw a red haired boy running in her direction. "Hi, Ms. Beckett." He smiled his partially toothless grin up at her and Kate couldn't help but smile back.

"Hi, Jamie. How are you doing?" She pushed his hair away from his eyes and looked up to see Rick walking towards her with Alexis.

"I'm good. How are you?" He asked happily and Kate saw Emily watching the interaction between her and Jamie closely.

"I'm very good, sweetie. What are you going to watch?" She asked, looking back down at him, acutely aware that Rick was getting closer and closer. Biting her lip, she tried to think of what to do. He had texted her this morning just to say hi and they had agreed to see each other sometime this week, but she wasn't expecting to see him so soon after last night.

"Rio."

"Really? So are we." Emily chimed in and Jamie turned his attention to her.

"My friend Ryan from school said it's really fun. So we convinced Daddy to bring us to see it." He explained and Kate nodded with a small smile. The boy was entirely too cute for his own good.

"You mean you pestered me until I said yes, right, Jamie?" Kate heard his voice and looked up, an involuntary smile already tugging at her lips. "Hi." He smiled at her, eyes sparkling when he stopped in front of her.

"We have to stop meeting like this, Mr. Castle." She teased him, making his smile only grow. "Hi, Alexis." She smiled down at the girl, who gave her a shy one back and waved hello. "Em, you remember Rick." She brought her sister into the conversation, knowing that Emily was watching everything with an avid interest.

"Yes, I remember, absolutely." Emily grinned at her and Kate glared warningly at her. "How are you doing, Rick?" She looked knowingly from her sister to him and Kate felt like hitting her on the back of the head to knock it off.

"Hi, Emily. Did you have a good birthday yesterday?" He said nicely and Kate thanked her stars that he was just playing along. Emily nodded and turned back to grin at her.

"And these are Jamie and Alexis. Guys, this is my little sister Emily." She introduced them and the kids smiled up at her, saying it was nice to meet her.

"Are you a detective like Ms. Beckett?" Jamie asked curiously and Kate watched as he quickly fell into conversation with her sister as they made their way inside the viewing room. The kid really was the most social little boy she had ever met.

"So… hi." She bit her lip and turned to Rick. He grabbed Alexis' hand and started walking with her.

"Hi, yourself." He gave her a small smile and touched the small of her back as they followed Jamie and Emily. "I can't believe we just met again randomly." He chuckled and she nodded in agreement.

"I know. It's getting kind of creepy." Kate joked and he laughed. She could still feel his warm hand on her back through her jacket and it was giving all kinds of good butterflies. She felt ridiculous.

"It's good, though, right?" He held her eyes with his and she nodded. "At least we didn't have to wait an entire week to see each other again." His thumb caressed her lightly and Kate was suddenly aware that his hand had sneakily made its way under her jacket as she felt his touch through her shirt.

"Yeah, I guess it is." She replied, having a hard time to think of what to say when he was touching her, however innocent that touch was.

"I just never pegged you for a kid's movie kind of girl." He grinned at her teasingly and she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not. Well, not usually, anyway. It was Emily's turn to pick the movie and this is what she wanted to watch." She explained with a shrug and he nodded.

"Well, it's just one more thing I'll have to thank her for. Last night, today. I think she just might be an undercover matchmaker." He winked at her and she laughed, shaking her head in amusement.

"Are you always like this?" She asked with a laugh and he looked at her innocently.

"Like what?"

"I think charmer is a good word to describe it." She looked at him and found him looking back at her with a teasing smile.

"Depends. Is it working?" He watched her expectantly, lifting an eyebrow and she bit her lip, choosing her answer carefully.

"I'll get back to you on that." She finally said after a moment and he nodded.

"Fair enough, Detective." He conceded as they entered the room their movie was playing in. "Are you sitting with us?" He asked when Alexis took off to where Jamie and Emily were a few feet ahead of them.

"Sure, why not." She said and he smiled, guiding her to a row in the middle of the room. "Is this okay for everyone?" She asked when the kids were settled in.

She had ended up in the middle, with Emily on her right and Rick and the kids on her left. The movie started a few minutes after they got there and soon popcorn and candy were being passed from hand to hand between all of them. Kate tried her best to pay attention to the movie, but the fact that he was sitting so close to her – their arms touching on the arm rest and hands brushing whenever they reached for the popcorn together – was a huge distraction. Halfway through the movie, when the popcorn was over and their arms and shoulders were touching, she felt him slowly slip his hand into hers. Turning to look at him, she lifted an eyebrow questioningly, but he just shrugged and entwined their fingers, his thumb caressing the back of her hand lightly. She shook her head, thinking he was impossible, and told herself to relax. She had already been leaning against his side, however involuntarily it had been, so she thought she might as well enjoy their proximity. A few minutes later, she found herself resting her head on his shoulder, letting out a yawn. He squeezed her hand gently and she felt him place a kiss on her hair.

Feeling completely relaxed and content, she thought to herself that maybe whatever this was between them might turn out to be a good thing. After all, they still hadn't even been on a date, and yet she felt safe and had this sense of comfort whenever she was with him. Maybe that meant something.

Maybe,_ just maybe_, Emily could be right.

But then again, that was a completely ridiculous thought. They were not soul mates and this was definitely not love at first sight because such things did not exist. Regardless, she would enjoy it while it lasted.

If she found it in herself the strength to actually let him in.

They stayed like this for the rest of the movie, hands together, fingers entangled and gentle caresses from time to time. She was comfortable like this and she knew they wouldn't be doing anything else there, not with the kids and her sister around. Not that Emily hadn't encouraged her; when she reached for her soda, Emily elbowed her and whispered "kiss him already" in her ear, to which Kate pinched her arm and narrowed her eyes at her. She knew her sister meant well, but she would not make out with Rick Castle in front of his children and her sister for Christ's sake. Not that she didn't want to. She did, very badly, in fact. But she also wanted to do things right, in their own time.

When the movie ended, Emily volunteered to take the kids to the bathroom and Kate chuckled at her sister's obvious attempt of giving her some alone time with Rick. When Emily disappeared into the crowd with Jamie and Alexis – who had taken quite a shine to her – she turned to look at him. He was leaning against the wall and she fought the urge to just step in closer and relax into his body, much like she had done the night before at the club. What the hell was going on with her? Every time she was near him, her senses and hormones seemed to go haywire.

"So, should we count this impromptu meeting as a first date?" He asked quietly, touching her hip, like he had grown so fond of doing lately.

"With your kids and my little sister tagging along? Really?" She laughed and he nodded, pulling her closer. She was trying to figure out why her defenses were never automatically engaged whenever he touched her. Instead, every time he did, she just seemed to relax.

"Touché." He conceded, resting his chin on her shoulder. She was wearing a pair of flat boots, which made her a few inches shorter than him. "So when do I get to take you out? In a real date with no tag alongs."

"You know my work hours are a little crazy, right?" She looked up at him and found his lips entirely too close to hers, which made her suck in a deep, calming breath to control the urge to close the distance between them. "Maybe Friday?" She suggested, looking ahead of her again in order to resist the temptation to kiss him.

"It's a date." He casually wrapped his arms around her waist and Kate involuntarily relaxed against him. "I'm going to be honest with you, Kate. I'm having a really hard time here trying not to kiss you right now." He whispered in her ear and she felt a shiver run through her body at his voice and lips so close to her ear.

"Good, that makes two of us." She leaned her head back on his shoulder and felt him let out a sigh at her words. Covering his hands that were resting on her stomach with hers, she allowed herself to have this moment of peace and contentment that he seemed to bring to her.

"I don't know what it is, but I like being around you. I really, really do." He said quietly and she sighed contently. It had been quite a while since a guy made her feel like this. In fact, now that she really thought about it, she didn't think that she had ever felt this way before. And it had nothing to do with the fact that she was secretly a fan of his work. That was exactly it. She liked his books, but this thing she was feeling right now was because of the man behind the words and not his work.

"I like being around you too." She whispered back turned in his arms without thinking, suddenly finding herself face to face with him. Before she could throw caution to the wind and kiss him senseless like she desperately wanted to, she heard her sister coming back with Alexis and Jamie. "Friday night, then?" She said quietly before they reached them and he nodded, leaning down to kiss the corner of her mouth. Kate closed her eyes for a moment. "I'll let you know if something comes up, but I should be on call then. Let's hope the murderers in this town take the night off." She said with a grin and felt his chuckle reverberate from his chest into hers. He leaned in and kissed the same spot one more time.

"I can't wait, Kate." He gave her that smile that she was growing to love; it seemed so unique and warm and just endeared him to her even more. She bit her lip and nodded, before stepping away.

"We're all done, aren't we, guys?" She heard Emily's voice and forced herself to turn around. Her sister was holding both kids' hands as Jamie and Alexis started telling a story about something they had just seen. Alexis seemed a lot more comfortable and less shy with Emily.

"Alright, I should take them home. It's getting late." Rick said and thanked Emily for taking the kids to the bathroom.

"Hey, it was no trouble. They're awesome." She said with a smile. "It was great seeing you again, Rick."

"You too. And thanks, by the way." He winked at her and she laughed. Kate thought they were both ridiculous as she crouched down to say goodbye to Jamie and Alexis.

But deep down, she was grateful for her sister's matchmaking attempts too.

* * *

><p>After dropping Emily off at her dorm at the NYU campus, Kate drove back to her apartment. It was still early, not even 8pm, when she unlocked her front door and let herself in. With plans to order in some Chinese, she stepped over the manila envelope on the floor, not even giving it a second glance as she took off her jacket and shoes and let herself fall on the couch to relax.<p>

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><p><strong>AN: Thoughts?**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: You guys are amazing. Thank you so much for your awesome feedback. I'm still a little shocked at how well this story was received. Really, thank you.**

**Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.**

* * *

><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

The next morning, Kate slept through her alarm. When it sounded for the third time, she groaned and rolled to her side, reaching out blindingly to shut the damn thing off. Stretching her body slowly, she moaned when everything hurt and rubbed her eyes, trying to find the strength within herself to get out of bed. Her throat felt like it was completely raw and it hurt like hell to swallow. Damn it, she had gone to bed just fine. Why was she feeling like this now?

Blinking groggily, she turned her head to look at the alarm clock on her nightstand and sat up abruptly when she saw it was almost 9. Shit. She was so late. So incredibly late. God, she hurt everywhere and the last thing she wanted to do was get out of bed, but duty called. Swinging her legs to the side of the bed, she sat still for a moment to get her bearings, and then stood up carefully. She felt weak, her entire body hurt and she was pretty sure she had a pretty nasty cold, if her stuffy nose was any indication.

Whatever, she would just pick up some cold medicine on her way to work. Right now, she needed to get into that bathroom and take a shower and leave for work in the next five minutes, even though she knew that was not humanly possible, particularly in her current condition, but she had to try. Painfully making her way to the bathroom, she turned on the shower and brushed her teeth while she waited for the water to get warmer. Ten minutes later, she was hastily putting on her boots – flat ones; god, she was really sick – and looking for her keys. After locating them on the coffee table, she threw on her jacket, picked up a scarf to wrap around her neck and protect her throat from getting any worse and grabbed her purse from the couch. Locking the door behind her, she didn't spare a second glance to the envelope on the floor.

The cold wind hit her with a startling force when she left her building, giving her chills. Nevertheless, she braved the gush of cold air towards her car and sighed in relief when she settled behind the wheel, throwing her purse on the passenger seat and starting the ignition. The drive to the precinct was quiet and rather quick. By the time she dropped her things on her desk on the fourth floor of the 12th Precinct building, it was almost 9:30. Falling onto her chair, she closed her eyes for a moment, praying it would be a slow day and they wouldn't catch a new case. She honestly felt sick enough to not want to work.

"You okay there, boss?" Her fellow detective Javier Esposito asked, passing by her desk. Kate looked up and sighed, her stuffy nose making the action a lot harder than it usually was.

"I think I might be coming down with something." She said quietly, closing her eyes again.

"You _think_?" He commented and she cracked one eye open to glare at him. "You look like crap, Beckett. Why don't you go home? We can hold down the fort without you for today." He suggested gently and Kate smiled weakly at him.

"I'll stick around until lunch. If no body drops, I'll go home." She rasped out. Great, her voice was starting to disappear. Just what she needed. "I promise." She added when he lifted an eyebrow at her skeptically.

"Alright, suit yourself." He shrugged and started to make his way to the break room. "Want some coffee?" He offered and she grinned at him, nodding.

"I love you, Espo." She called out after him and was rewarded with his laugh. "You're my hero."

"Yeah, yeah. That's what they all say." He said over his shoulder and entered the break room.

A couple of minutes later, when he brought her a steamy cup of their crappy coffee, Kate realized she hadn't even had anything to eat yet today, as she had left her apartment in such a hurry. Checking her email while sipping the disgusting coffee, she made a mental note to go get something to eat soon. After cleaning her inbox from unwanted spam, however, she started reviewing her notes for their last case and got distracted. When she checked the time again, it was almost noon.

Sighing heavily, she figured now was a good time as any to go grab something to eat. Who knew, maybe she would actually feel better if she had something in her stomach. Grabbing her purse and jacket, she told Esposito and his partner, detective Kevin Ryan, that she was going down to Remy's to get something to eat and asked if they wanted anything. When they said they were okay, she made her way to the elevator. When she was exiting it on the first floor, her phone rang.

"Beckett." She said quietly, not wanting to strain her voice even more.

"You don't sound so good." Rick's voice greeted her ears and she found herself smiling as she opened the doors and stepped onto the street. The sky was overcast and it looked it was going to rain – or god forbid, snow – at any moment.

"Well, I feel like crap." She told him honestly and heard him chuckling on the other side of the line. "And hi. What's up?"

"You work at the Twelfth Precinct, right?" He asked lightly and she could hear traffic on his side of the line.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because I'm just a block away from there." He said and she heard the smile in his voice. "Thought I'd see if you wanted to grab some lunch."

"I thought our date was supposed to be on Friday night, Mr. Castle." She chuckled and side stepped a pedestrian, who had almost knocked her over in his hurry.

"Well, this doesn't count. Just like this weekend didn't count." He countered and she rolled her eyes. "Hey, are you outside? Cause I think I can see you."

"Yeah, I was about to go get something to eat. I honestly feel like I'm dying and I'm not even being dramatic here. Thought some food might make me feel better." She explained and coughed in the end, her throat feeling it was on fire.

"Then it's definitely you. Turn around." He said and she did, finding him walking in her direction, just a few feet away. Hanging up, she slipped her phone into her back pocket and smiled when he reached her.

"Hi." She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, knowing that she probably looked like crap too.

"Hi." He grinned happily at her and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "How are you feeling?" He asked, touching her cheek gently with his thumb.

"Like total crap." She closed her eyes and couldn't help but lean into his hand. She was sick and any source of comfort was more than okay in her book. "You shouldn't be near me. I don't want you to catch whatever this is."

"I just took care of two sick children these past few days. I think I'll be okay." He gave her a small smile and she shook her head, stopping mid-action when it made her headache kick up a notch. "Why did you even come to work? You should be home resting."

"I didn't think it'd get this bad. I'm probably heading home soon." She shrugged and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder when he saw her shiver.

"You should go home now." Touching her forehead, he felt her temperature for a moment. "I think you're running a fever, Kate."

"Shit." She cursed and closed her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't you let me take you home and we'll grab some food on the way?" He suggested and she looked up at him, tempted to just lean against him right there in the middle of the sidewalk.

Wait.

Did he just invite himself to her apartment?

"I'm not exactly going to be the best company in the planet right now, Rick." She murmured, pissed off that her voice was all but disappearing.

"Let me just take you home. I'll make sure you get something to eat and get some cold medicine and then I'll leave you alone. Promise." He told her and she bit her lip unsure. "Let me take care of you, Kate." He asked and she smiled weakly at him, trying to figure out what she had done to have this man suddenly barge into her life willing to take care of her like that.

"Okay." She sighed after a few seconds of inner debate. He smiled at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder again. "Let me just go tell the boys I'm going home for the day." He nodded and she finally allowed herself to lean into him a little. She could always use the excuse that she was sick and weak.

"Lead the way."

They walked the few feet to the Twelfth and Kate pushed the doors open, greeting the uniform that held the elevator for her. Before she knew it, they were stepping off on the Homicide Department floor and Kate immediately made a beeline for her desk, Rick following closely behind. Ryan looked up at her surprised.

"You already had lunch?" He asked astonished and she shook her head. "You really don't look so good, Becks." The blue eyed detective looked at her with concern and she sighed.

"Yeah, I'm going home, if you guys don't mind." She said and he nodded. "Call me if something comes up?" She asked and Ryan rolled his eyes.

"Go get some rest, boss." He chuckled and seemed to realize there was someone with her. "Is that your new boyfriend?" He asked quietly, a teasing tone to his voice. Kate smacked him.

"This is my friend Rick Castle. Rick, this is Detective Kevin Ryan." She introduced them, narrowing her eyes at her partner, who just grinned at her, looking innocent.

"Nice to meet you, man." Rick shook his hand and Ryan nodded.

"You too. Hope you're taking good care of her." He said in his most intimidating voice and Kate had to bite the inside of her cheek to suppress a laugh. Rick nodded seriously.

"Of course." He promised and Kate shook her head, amused. Grabbing the rest of her things, she touched Rick's elbow and started to drag him back to the elevator.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow." She called over her shoulder – or whispered, the way her voice was almost gone – and pushed the button for the elevator. Thank God it had been just Ryan. If Esposito had been there, she was sure they would have most likely interrogated him. "Sorry about that." She whispered when they were finally alone inside the elevator. Rick chuckled.

"Don't worry about it. He's just looking out for you, isn't he?" He said and she nodded, leaning her head back against the wall. "I would've done the same if I'd been in his shoes."

"He's a great guy. They just tend to get a little overprotective sometimes." She chuckled and grimaced when it made her throat hurt more. "God, I really need my bed." She moaned, closing her eyes and felt him touch her forehead again.

"You're almost there. What do you feel like eating?" He asked gently, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Nothing." She mumbled, hiding her face on his shoulder and letting out a sigh. He chuckled and wrapped an arm around her.

"Alright, soup it is. I know just the place."

He placed a kiss on her forehead just before the doors opened and they stepped out. Kate led him to her car and handed him the keys after he insisted she was not okay to drive. Leaning her head against the window as soon as she was settled, she told him her address and felt herself dozing off. After what felt like a minute, she felt him touch her shoulder, calling her name quietly.

"What?" She asked groggily and found him looking at her with a smile, but she could see the concern in his eyes.

"We're here." He said simply and she looked outside, confused. They were parked in front of her building.

"Wait, I thought we were going to stop somewhere to buy food." She blinked, trying to wake up more fully and rubbed her eyes.

"We did. You were out as soon as we left the precinct." He explained and she nodded slowly, her headache coming back with a vengeance. "I can just walk you up and then let you rest."

"No, that's okay. You can come on up. Let's go." She smiled weakly at him and got out of the car. Rick followed her, a hand on the small of her back to steady her. When they reached her door, Kate unlocked it and invited him in. "You never told me what you were doing near the Twelfth." She commented as he crouched down to pick something up from the floor.

"You've got mail." He said, showing her an envelope. She nodded and told him to just leave it on the coffee table; she would check it later. "And I was at a meeting with my publisher. Turned in the first three chapters of the new book."

"Oh." She said, excitement running through her. Her inner fangirl was delighted to get this news first hand. "Derek Storm?"

"You read my books?" He asked, surprised and she shrugged. "You do." He said happily, picking up one of his books from her shelf. "This is so cool." He murmured opening it and checking out his own autograph. "When did I sign this for you?" He asked curiously and she felt herself blushing slightly at being found out.

"A couple of years ago, I think." She shrugged again and busied herself with opening the containers. The soup actually smelled really good.

"I don't remember." He whispered to himself. "I wish I did."

"You can sign another one now." She teased and he looked up at her, grinning. "I'm joking, Rick."

"No, let me do it?" He asked hopefully and she had to laugh at the expectant look in his eyes. This was surreal. Was he actually asking to autograph one of his own books for her?

"Sure, why not." She grinned at the happy look in his face. "Come on, let's eat, Mr. Castle." She told him and handed him his share of the food.

They ate in companiable silence and Kate felt slightly better with a full stomach. After dropping everything in the sink, saying she would take care of it later, she led him to the couch and turned the TV on.

"Do you have Tylenol or something like that?" He asked, checking her temperature again. "I'm pretty sure you've got a fever, Kate."

"Bathroom." She leaned her head back on the couch, feeling sleepy again. "First door on your right." She added when he looked at her questioningly. Nodding, he left in search of medicine and Kate closed her eyes again.

"Here." He handed her the pill and a glass of water. She swallowed it and returned to her previous position. "Maybe you should go to bed." He suggested and she shook her head, too comfortable and weak to move. The only thing she did was tug on his hand, making him sit down next to her.

"Do you have to go?" She asked quietly and he shook his head, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. "Want to stay for a little while?" She looked up at him sleepily and knew that if she wasn't sick, she would never ask something like that of a guy that could be a potential boyfriend in the near future. But she was sick and he was here, willing to take care of her, so whatever.

"I can stay until 3. Then I have to go pick up the kids from school." He kissed her forehead and picked up the blanket that was on the other end of the couch, throwing it over them.

"Okay." She snuggled closer and felt herself drift off.

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><p>When Kate woke up, hours later, she was alone and it was already dark outside. She still felt like crap, but it wasn't as bad as she had been earlier. Sitting up slowly, she blinked sleepily and grabbed her phone from her back pocket. It was already past 6pm. Throwing the blanket to the side, she stood up and found her latest Richard Castle book on the coffee table. Feeling confused because she knew she had left this in her room, she picked it up and opened it.<p>

His handwriting greeted her and she smiled happily, butterflies flying like crazy in her stomach.

_My dear Kate,_

_You are the best thing that happened in my life in a really long time._

_Rick Castle_

Feeling giddy and grinning like a schoolgirl with a crush, she put the book down and texted him, thanking him for the autograph. While she waited for his reply, she picked up the envelope he had found earlier on the floor and opened it. It was addressed to her, but she found it odd that it didn't say who it was from.

Pulling out the contents, she felt the blood drain out of her face.

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><p><strong>AN: Let me know what you think?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I feel like a broken record here, but thank you so much for your amazing feedback, guys. It's been mind blowing and I'm definitely feeling the pressure to do my very best here.**

**Disclaimer: If Castle were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction about it.**

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><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

Kate stared at the newspaper articles in horror. Her parents' smiling faces looked up at her, the headlines highlighting their deaths. With shaking hands, she picked them up, one by one, and swallowed hard. Her eyes focused on the words, but she couldn't make sense of them. She didn't have to; she knew all the gory details by heart. Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes, trying to breathe in and out slowly. Her heart felt like it was about to fly out of her chest, it was beating so fast. She couldn't let it get to her. Wouldn't.

Opening her eyes again, she picked up the envelope, turning it over to see if there was any indication of the sender. But there was nothing, only her name, written in black. Turning her attention back to the articles – all three of them – she forced herself to examine them, trying to ignore the anguish, the pain in her chest that made her feel like her heart was being squeezed by an incredibly tight fist. All of them were different newspapers, but said basically the same thing. Her parents had been in a fast rising, incredibly successful career as attorneys. At the time of their deaths, they had opened their own firm just a year before and were featured in the media often as the power couple that never lost a case.

Kate looked at their picture again, letting out a shaky breath. They looked so happy. She missed them so much. Swallowing again to try to make the knot that had stubbornly formed in her throat go away, she put the papers back on her coffee table and looked inside the envelope again, shaking it to see if there was still anything in there. A square piece of paper fell out, with the words "_They are still out there"_ written in block letters, much like her name in the front of the envelope.

With a sigh, she tried to make sense of this. Someone was obviously trying to tell her something. That or they were just trying to mess with her head. She had nearly lost herself trying to solve their murder when she joined the NYPD. It had taken her years of therapy to overcome that need for vengeance, to finally try to move on with her life. She couldn't let herself get lost in that rabbit hole again. If she did, she didn't think she would have the strength to crawl back out. Whatever these people were trying to accomplish by sending this to her, by taunting her, they would not succeed. She would not let this get to her. She couldn't.

She shoved the papers back into the envelope, with a new found resolve, and stood up, cramping the paper into a ball and tossing it in the trash bin. She would take this outside first thing in the morning. They would not make her drown in this again.

She had everything under control.

At least she hoped she had.

* * *

><p>The next morning Kate woke up feeling slightly better. Her throat still hurt and she was still hoarse and with a stuffy nose, but at least she didn't feel like she was dying anymore. She had thrown the envelope away, but it had obviously served its purpose of reminding her that her parents' murderer had never been caught, that they were still out there and her parents were never coming back. She had tossed and turned in bed for hours, memories of that horrible night flashing through her mind like in a waking nightmare. In the warmth of her bed, Kate succumbed to the tears and cried for her parents, for Emily – that had them for such a short time – and for herself because she still felt so lost without them. In the end, she cried herself to sleep.<p>

Now as she stretched her still sore body, she thought of those articles, highlighting their deaths for the world to see, but quickly forgotten as if they had been nothing. As if they hadn't been her entire world. As if her life hadn't nearly ended when she had found them drowning in their own blood on their kitchen floor. As if-

_No_.

She quickly sat up and swung her legs to the side of the bed. Rubbing her eyes to quickly dispel any remnants of sleep, she got up and made her way to the bathroom. She was _not_ going to get sucked into this again. She refused to do that. Splashing cold water on her face, she looked at her reflection in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes were a testament to her lack of sleep and fatigue, not to mention the stupid cold she was still fighting. With a heavy sigh, she turned on the shower and undressed while the water warmed up. She was in a good place right now and she was determined to keep her life that way.

After a long shower, Kate felt a little more energized. The articles were still on her mind – in fact, she didn't think she would be able to forget about it any time soon – but she would just focus on the present and right now, that was getting ready to go to work. She needed to get better, get through this week so she would be okay to go out with Rick on Friday. At least that was something to look forward to and to keep her mind from wandering back to that damned envelope.

Standing in front of her mirror, she carefully applied makeup to try and look healthier and less sleep deprived as she felt. The buzz of her phone on her nightstand startled her just as she was applying her eyeliner, nearly making her poke herself in the eye. Grabbing the offending device still ringing next to her bed, she smiled when she saw who it was.

"Morning." She said as soon as she pressed the answer button.

"You sound better." Rick's voice sounded in the room as she put him on speaker and went back to the mirror to finish what she had been doing.

"I do feel a little better." She replied, working on her makeup again.

"I'm glad. I was worried when you never texted back last night." He said and she could hear him working on something on the other side of the line, the kids' voices in the background. "Hang on just a second, Kate." He told her before she could answer and she smiled at him talking to his kids.

Looked like he was making their lunch and for some reason that made her feel the butterflies in her stomach get all excited again. She was also grateful for the interruption as it gave her time to think. She had seen his text last night, but she had been a mess after dealing with the mysterious envelope and had just forgotten to text him back. In all honesty, she had been in no state to talk to anyone so she had just crawled into her bed and cried herself to sleep. But she couldn't tell him that, obviously.

"Alright, hi. Sorry. The kids are getting ready to go to school and it's total chaos here." He got back on the line and she chuckled.

"No problem. Maybe we should talk later?" She suggested, standing up to look for her jacket.

"No, no, that's okay. I just wanted to know if you were feeling better." She could hear the concerned tone in his voice and couldn't help but smile and thank whatever higher power had put him in her life.

"Yeah, I think I just needed to get some rest, really. I'm still not one hundred percent better, but I'm getting there." She found her jacket and put it on, grabbing her phone to take it off speaker mode. "Thanks for taking care of me yesterday, by the way. I never got to thank you before you left."

"It was my pleasure, Kate." His voice was warm and she bit her lip, trying to ignore all the feelings bubbling up inside of her. "I'm just glad I could help." He added and she sighed, now looking for her keys. "Hey, are you doing anything later? I thought maybe we could grab some lunch if you're up to it." He suggested and she thought about it for a second. After the whole envelope ordeal last night, she could really use a distraction.

"I want to say yes, but I can't really promise anything, Rick." She said, spotting her keys on the kitchen counter. Making a detour to grab the trash, she refused to even look at the crumpled envelope inside the bin as she closed the plastic bag tightly. "It depends if we get a case or not." She grabbed her keys and purse and made her way to the door, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder. "But if no body drops, we can definitely do lunch."

"Alright, great." She could almost hear the smile in his voice and, as usual, it made her feel slightly giddy about everything that was going on between them. "Call me and let me know?"

"I will." She locked the door behind her and got rid of the trash. "You know, at the rate we're going, our date on Friday is not even going to count as a first date anymore." She said, pushing the button for the elevator and leaned against the wall to wait for it.

"Is that a bad thing?" He chuckled and she ran a hand through her hair, twirling a strand around her finger.

"No. Not at all." The smile on her lips was involuntary and the old lady on the elevator looked at her weird when she stepped into it.

"Good, cause I really hope I get to see you today." He said and she bit her lip to contain her smile. "Call me later?"

"Absolutely. Bye, Rick." She hung up after he said bye and looked at her phone, letting out a sigh.

"Boyfriend, dear?" The old lady asked her with a knowing grin and Kate blushed slightly.

"No. I don't know." She answered honestly and the lady nodded.

"Well, if he makes you smile like that, I wouldn't let him get away if I were you." She said, patting her arm, and stepped out of the elevator. Kate stared after her, looking at her phone again.

Yeah, she didn't think she was going to let him get away either.

* * *

><p>Turned out that she did catch a case and didn't see or talk to Rick – except for a few text messages – for the rest of the week. Kate and the boys were investigating two homicides that had happened within twenty-four hours of each other. Both men had been district attorneys and had been found dead in their apartments. The MO was similar in both cases and they had been working closely together on a big case that had exploded in the news in past couple of weeks. Ryan and Esposito had been running lead after lead with her, but they always came out empty handed. Whoever had done this was a professional and had left no traces behind, no evidence, no nothing.<p>

As night approached on Friday, she was about to call Rick and cancel their date when the Captain told them to go home and get some rest. Kate was running on coffee and M&M's all day and was exhausted. Even with the order to get out of the precinct and unwind, Kate still couldn't shake this strange feeling that she was missing something. Regardless, she went home to take a shower and make herself presentable for her first (fourth, really, she thought rolling her eyes) date with Rick. When she was opening the door to her apartment, her phone rang.

"Hey, Em." She answered, tossing her keys and purse on the kitchen table.

"Hi, Katie. Just thought I'd check in. Haven't talked to you all week." She could hear the whiny tone of her little sister's voice and smiled, rolling her eyes. "How are you doing?"

"I miss you too, bug." She chuckled. "And I'm doing good. Just got home. How about you?"

"Oh, I'm alright. I have this project due next week that's been really stressing me out."

"Anything I can do to help?" Kate asked, walking into her room and turned the light on. Opening her closet, she looked at her clothes critically, trying to decide what to wear.

"Only if you know anything about biochem, which I know for a fact that you don't." Emily teased and Kate chuckled. "Anyway, I'm not going to worry about it right now. Peter is taking me to a play tonight."

"I see you guys are doing well, then." She picked out a white silk blouse and looked at it for a moment. "When do I get to meet him?"

"Ugh, Katie. We've only been going out for like three weeks." Emily groaned, making her laugh. "It's too soon to unleash you on him."

"Hey!" Kate said, offended. "I've always been super nice to your boyfriends, young lady."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure you have. Anyway, what are you doing tonight?"

"Going out with Rick, remember?" She said, setting the blouse on her bed and picking out her favorite pair of skinny jeans.

"Oh, tonight's the big night, right?" Emily said excitedly. "What are you going to wear?"

"I'm not sure yet. I was thinking of that white blouse I wore for Grams' big birthday bash last year and jeans." She said, going into the bathroom to take a shower. It was already past 6 and Rick said he would pick her up at 7.

"Oh, I remember that one. There was that creepy guy who kept staring at you like he wanted to eat you." Emily laughed and Kate groaned at the memory. "But Rick's going to die when he sees you in that outfit. I just know it."

"Yeah, well, I hope not because I'd really prefer if he were alive to take me out." She said dryly and Emily was quiet for a moment. "Em?"

"You really like him, don't you?" She asked softly and Kate smiled at her reflection in the mirror as she wiped away her makeup.

"Maybe. I think so. I don't know, Em. It's too soon to tell." She bit her lip and sighed, throwing the tissue on the trash near the sink.

"Well, I'm happy for you, Katie. He seems to be a nice guy."

"Yeah." They were silent for a few seconds, Kate lost in her own thoughts. "Anyway, I gotta go. He'll be here soon."

"Call me tomorrow. I want to know all the details." She said excitedly and Kate rolled her eyes.

"Will do. Love you, bug. Have fun tonight."

"Right back at you, sis. Love you."

Kate hung up and put her phone on the counter. Undressing, she turned the shower on and stepped in, letting the still warming up water wash away the long day she had. This case was exhausting and she kept thinking of her parents the entire time. She knew that, rationally, there was no way those two cases were connected, but she couldn't help but see the similarities between them. That and the envelope from hell, as she had dubbed in her mind, had kept her awake at night for the past few days.

But she wouldn't let it get to her anymore. It was just a coincidence, she was sure of it. It had to be.

Although, if there was one thing she had learned in all these years as a cop, was that there was no such thing as coincidences.

* * *

><p>When her doorbell rang promptly at 7, Kate was feeling incredibly nervous. Deep down, she knew she had no reason to be, but this was a guy she had admired for years, whose words had helped her get through the darkest times in her life, and now he was here, just outside the door, ready to take her out on a date. She was going out on a date with <em>Richard freaking Castle<em>. God, she actually felt a little nauseous, she thought, pressing a hand to her stomach. Looking through the peephole, she watched him for a moment as he looked around the hallway. It made her feel a little better that he seemed to be a little nervous as well.

"Hey." She said when she opened the door, cursing herself for sounding slightly breathless. He looked at her, apparently taking her in as his eyes travelled from her sandals up to her eyes.

"Wow." He breathed and she was glad to see that he sounded out of breath too. At least this whole thing was affecting them both. "God, Kate, you look… wow." He let out a breath and Kate bit her lip, trying not to chuckle. He took a deep breath and handed her the bouquet of flowers he was holding. "Here, for you." He smiled boyishly and she had to refrain from kissing that silly grin off his face.

"Thanks, Rick. They're beautiful." She accepted them and leaned in to smell them for a moment. "Come in. Let me just put this in a vase."

She let the door open and made her way to kitchen to fill an old vase with water. He followed her in and closed the door. After she had arranged the flowers in the vase, she turned around and found him leaning against the kitchen counter, watching her. She gave him a small smile and bit her lip to try and calm her nerves and her heart. He smiled back and offered his hand for her to take. She looked at his outstretched hand for a moment, before slipping hers into it. Before she knew what was going on, he had pulled her to him, wrapping an arm around her waist so that her body was deliciously pressed against his.

"Hi." He whispered and touched his lips to her cheek, dangerously close to her mouth. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh.

"Hi yourself." She opened them again and found him too close to her, his eyes turning a darker shade of the usual lighter blue and his lips entirely too close to hers.

"Can I kiss you? Because I really, really want to." He said softly and she chuckled, biting her lip again. "And you doing that is not helping at all." He complained, making her laugh quietly.

"I thought you were only supposed to kiss the girl at the end of the date." She whispered, holding her breath when he started to lean in. Brushing his lips lightly against hers, he pulled back, only enough to look at her.

"I never liked rules, anyway." He murmured and closed the distance between them again.

This time, Kate felt like she was catching on fire, flames licking over their skin with every movement his lips made against hers. She felt him pull her even closer, wrapping both arms around her as her hands were trapped between their chests, holding tightly to the lapels of his suit jacket. Her mind slowly shut down, only to be zapped back on again when his tongue touched hers. It almost felt like an electric current was running through her bloodstream and it only intensified with every stroke of his tongue against hers. She heard a moan and was slightly embarrassed to realize that it had been her own.

When they finally broke apart, she was breathless and her legs felt like jelly. Sweet Jesus, if the man could do this to her with only a kiss, just imagine what it would be like to actually have mind blowing sex with him, she thought, a shiver running down her spine. He rested his forehead on hers and tried to catch his breath.

"If we don't leave right now, I don't think I will be held responsible for my actions." He swallowed hard and she grinned, leaning in to press her lips against his in a chaste kiss.

"Come on, then, Mr. Castle." She stepped away from him and took his hand, leading him to the door. "Before I change my mind." She heard him groan frustrated behind her and laughed, grabbing her jacket and purse.

"Such a tease." He mumbled behind her and she rolled her eyes, amused.

* * *

><p>He took her to a low key restaurant in Tribeca. She had to admit she had been a little apprehensive of going out with him, for the fact that he was a public figure after all. When she asked him about that aspect of his life, he said he usually tried to stay off the radar and only go to places like the Italian restaurant where they were currently having dinner. The food was delicious and the owner – a man that reminded Kate a lot of her grandfather – had come to greet them halfway through dinner. He told her conspiratorially that she was the first girl Rick had ever taken there, that usually it was only him and the twins.<p>

She felt him touch her foot with his when the owner said that and looked up at him to see him looking down, his face a faint shade of pink. She nudged his foot with hers and smiled at him when he looked at her, hooking her ankle around his. They stayed like that for the rest of their date, talking quietly and sharing stories of their childhoods and teenage years.

Three hours and two bottles of wine later, Rick asked for the check. After paying for it – he absolutely refused to let her contribute – he took her hand and they stepped out of the restaurant into the chilly New York night. Shivering at the sudden cold air, Kate immediately felt him pull her close to his side, his hand running up and down her arm to warm her up.

"So, where to now?" He asked as they walked slowly on the quiet street.

"I don't know. What do you have in mind?" She countered and leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his neck. She felt so content, so exhilaratingly happy right at that moment that she honestly didn't want their night to end, as sappy and clichéd that sounded in her head.

"Well, we could maybe catch a movie or…" He started to suggest, but she interrupted him.

"I have a bottle of wine at home if you're up to it." She told him, suddenly feeling a little shy and embarrassed for inviting him back to her place like that. But he grinned at her happily and kissed her hair.

"Definitely interested." He whispered and kissed her hair again.

They stopped walking and Rick tried to hail a cab for them. Ten minutes later, they finally managed to get in a cab. They sat close together in the middle of the backseat and Kate told the driver her address. When she leaned back against the seat, Rick surprised her for pressing his lips against hers in a dizzying kiss that took her breath away. She faintly heard the window between them and the driver roll up and thought dazedly that she shouldn't be doing this, but his kiss was just so intoxicating that it erased all coherent thought from her mind.

"You have no idea how bad I've wanted to do this since we met." He confessed, showering her neck with butterfly kisses and she had to bite her lip to prevent a moan from escaping her lips.

"I think I have an idea." She said breathlessly, pulling him in for another kiss. His tongue played lazily with hers as she ran her hands through his hair, settling on his neck to keep him where he was. His hands explored her body with a teasingly light touch, leaving goose bumps in their trail. They lost themselves in each other for several minutes and it was only the shrill ring of her cell phone that made them break apart. She reached inside her purse and groaned when she saw Esposito's name on the screen. "Beckett." She answered, slapping Rick's thigh to get him to stop torturing her with those light kisses on her neck.

"Hey, boss. We got a fresh one and…" He paused and Kate held her breath, pressing a hand to Rick's chest to keep him away for a minute. "Is this a bad time?" He asked knowingly with a teasing tone in his voice.

"Just tell me the address, Espo." She said, proud of herself for sounding firmer than she had a few seconds ago, and heard him laugh, rattling off the address of their latest crime scene.

"And get this, it's another attorney. Same MO as the other two." He told her and she felt a shiver run through her spine that had nothing to do with Rick's touch.

"Great." She said dryly. "I'll be there soon." She hung up and turned to look at Rick apologetically.

"Work?" He asked gently and she nodded. "It's okay, Kate. It's your job. There's always next time, right?" He touched her cheek and kissed her softly, sucking on her bottom lip.

"I'm really sorry." She whispered against his lips and he shook his head, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Don't worry about it. Maybe we can get together sometime tomorrow?" He suggested and she nodded, leaning in to kiss him again.

"I really hope so." She sighed and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder after telling the driver there was a change of plans and giving him the new address. When they arrived at the scene, Kate tried to pay her share, but Rick refused again, making her roll her eyes. "Thanks for tonight. I had a great time." She smiled at him and he pulled her in for another quick, but deeply unsettling kiss that made her head spin.

"I did too. I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked, his forehead against hers.

"Yeah." She whispered, kissing him again before getting out of the cab.

She waved goodbye as the car drove away and turned around, trying to fix her hair and praying that she didn't look too disheveled and like she had just had an intense make out session in the back of a cab. As she walked into the building surrounded by cops, another shiver ran through her body and she just couldn't shake the feeling that she was being watched.

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><p><strong>AN: You guys have spoiled me with your amazing reviews so tell me what you think? Please?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: You guys rock my world. That is all.**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters.**

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><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

"So what do we have?" Kate asked as she stepped under the yellow tape that was closing the entrance to the apartment. She had spotted Ryan outside talking to one of the tenants and Esposito was crouching beside the body talking quietly to Lanie.

"Meet Kevin Blanchard. 37-year-old attorney, who worked for Peterson & Johnston." The Hispanic detective told her as she crouched down next to him.

Blanchard was lying in a pool of blood that was rapidly spreading beneath him and on his shirt from the two shots he had taken to the chest. After years of working as a homicide detective, Kate was somewhat used to the gruesome crime scenes and dead bodies just basically didn't faze her anymore. But now, as she stared at Blanchard's lifeless eyes, with another gunshot wound in the middle of his forehead, she felt her stomach revolt at the sight. Not because it was gruesome and disturbing, but because it reminded her too much of her parents. The MO was exactly the same with a shot to the head and two to the chest and it just hit too close to home. The other two victims, who had worked at the same firm, had been killed in exactly the same way.

"It has not been a good week for Peterson & Johnston." She commented dryly and Esposito tried to contain a snort unsuccessfully. "Looks like the cause of death is pretty obvious. Lanie?" She turned to the medical examiner for confirmation.

"Yup. One GSW to the head and another two to the chest, for good measure." Her friend said and Kate nodded, thinking for a moment. "Looks like a 45, but I can't be sure. Would have to wait on ballistics for confirmation."

"Same as the others, huh?" Kate stood up and ran a hand through her hair. "Three lawyers from the same firm in a three-day span. It can't be a coincidence, right?"

"Doesn't look like a serial either. The other two, Ford and Garcia, they were working on that Senator scandal, right?" Esposito stood up as well, signaling Ryan, who had just stepped into the apartment. "How much do you want to bet this guy here was working on the same case?"

"Yeah, it's not a coincidence. What do we know about this case they were working on?" She nodded at the younger detective when Ryan reached them.

"Well, just what's been on the news, really. Senator Donovan is being prosecuted for raping that underage girl. These guys were the ones pointing the finger at him." Ryan explained and looked down at his notepad. "I talked to some of the neighbors and no one heard a thing. The lady next door said she saw Mr. Blanchard here arrive around 7, but didn't hear anything after that."

"Who found him?" She asked, picking at her cuticles. Being here was making her nervous and she couldn't pinpoint the reason why that was.

"Girlfriend. She's in shock. Couldn't get much out of her yet." Esposito chimed in and Kate sighed.

"Alright." She ran a hand through her hair again, trying to put some sort of order to her thoughts. "You guys try talking to her again tomorrow. I'll pay a visit to our dear Senator Donovan as well. There's no way this guy isn't neck deep in this." She said and the guys nodded. "Let's finish processing the scene and we can start fresh in the morning. Where are we on Ford and Garcia?"

"Still nowhere, remember? We're bringing in their assistants again tomorrow for questioning." Ryan told her, slipping his notepad into his jacket. "You look nice, Becks." He said, apparently just noticing what she was wearing. "Hot date with your _friend _from the other day?" He grinned at her teasingly and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"I don't think that's any of your concern." She said, a chuckle escaping without her consent when he lifted an eyebrow at her. "Fine, yes. Go do your job now." She shoved him playfully, making him laugh. Kate shook her head, amused, and turned to Lanie, who was finishing up with the body.

"So…" Her friend stood up and looked up at her. With her high heels, their height difference was a little striking. "What's this I hear about a hot date, Detective?" She grinned and Kate groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, come on. Not you too." She complained, but Lanie just glared at her. "Okay, fine. But can we please not do this here?"

"Sure, as long as I get all the dirty details." She shrugged and Kate sighed. "Come on, walk down with me and Mr. Blanchard here."

She waited until Lanie had their vic settled in the body bag and hoisted up onto the gurney to roll him down to the car. Kate really didn't feel like talking about it with Lanie yet, but she knew there was no getting out of it. She wouldn't give many details, but she hadn't been with anyone in quite a while so it was really no wonder Lanie was so interested. The fact was that she just had never been really good at this whole relationship thing and after the fiasco her last attempt at having a steady boyfriend had been – he dumped her because she was always working and didn't have time to do normal boyfriend and girlfriend things – she hadn't really tried to find anyone. In the end, she felt like if she didn't commit to anyone, didn't fall in love and let herself depend on another person, then maybe she could be spared the heartache that would inevitably happen when that person walked away after seeing how messed up she was.

She was honestly trying not to get carried away with this thing with Rick because she knew he would eventually get bored and find another girl. Even if her messed up baggage didn't drive him away, her impossible hours at work probably would. Hell, it had already ruined their first date, she thought with a heavy sigh. Nevertheless, she was going to enjoy it while it lasted. It would turn out okay. As long as she didn't let herself fall for him, she would be okay.

"So dish. Who's the guy?" Lanie turned to her with an excited glint in her eyes after loading the body onto the medical examiner van. "Is it anyone I know?"

"Probably not. We met a couple of weeks ago when I went for a run in Central Park. His son bumped into me. He apologized and asked if I wanted to get some coffee because it had started snowing and that was it." She gave her the incredibly abridged version and prayed she would leave it at that. Obviously she should have known better than to believe that would actually happen.

"Nuh-uh, girl. You're not going to leave me hanging like that. I want details. What's his name, what does he do, is he hot, is he good in bed, the whole shebang." She prompted and Kate sighed, leaning against the back of the van.

"You guys are entirely too curious for your own good." She glared at her, but Lanie just kept waiting for her to elaborate. "Alright. His name is Rick, he's a writer. Very good looking, yes." A small escaped when she thought of that boyish grin he had been sporting tonight when he gave her flowers. "Haven't gotten to the sex part yet. Tonight was our first date."

"How was it?" Lanie asked with a smile and Kate bit her lip, looking away. "That good, huh?" She nudged her friend and Kate chuckled, nodding.

"It was going great until Mr. Blanchard here interrupted." She said, pointing to the van behind her.

"Well, you guys are only looking into this in the morning, right? There is still time to save your night. It's still early." Lanie grinned, wiggling her eyebrows and Kate laughed and shook her head.

"No, he's probably home already. We're supposed to get together tomorrow, anyway, if I have some free time." She shrugged and Lanie sighed, walking back to the driver's side of the car.

"Well, suit yourself. Do you need a ride?" She asked and Kate nodded.

"Yeah, do you mind?"

"Not at all. It's on my way to the morgue, anyway." She settled behind the wheel and waited for Kate to get in the car. "And honey, for what it's worth? I'm really happy for you."

* * *

><p>After Lanie dropped her off, Kate walked into her apartment and kicked off her sandals. She had pictured a completely different ending for tonight when she and Rick had been making out like teenagers in the back of that cab. Now, as she turned on the light in the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water, she felt like laughing at the irony of her reality, alone at home on a Friday night at barely 11pm.<p>

Shaking her head at herself, she put the glass in the sink and made her way to her room, dropping her purse on the bed. Grabbing her phone, she bit her lip, trying to decide if texting Rick now would sound too desperate. Sighing, she thought she should just wait until tomorrow and try to get some sleep. After all, she didn't want to scare off the guy, right? And texting him now might come off as a little too clingy. Right?

Rolling her eyes at herself for her infatuated schoolgirl thoughts, she tossed her phone back on her bed and took off her jacket, draping it over the chair. Just as she was starting to take off her blouse to replace it with an old t-shirt she could sleep in, her phone buzzed, indicating a new text message. Frowning, she wondered who could be texting her now, and grabbed her phone again. A smile formed on her lips and a giggle – an honest to god giggle – escaped her. It was him. And here she had been just a minute ago debating if she should text him or not, she thought with a shake of her head.

_Good luck with your new case. Can't wait to see you tomorrow._

She grinned and quickly typed a reply, pressing the send button before she could talk herself out of it.

_We're done for tonight, actually. Picking up again tomorrow morning. I'm sorry again for ruining the end of our night._

She tossed her phone back on her bed and took off her blouse, pulling on a loose NYPD shirt and a pair of shorts. She made her way to the bathroom and was about to start removing her makeup when she heard her phone buzz again. Sighing, she tried not to feel like a giddy schoolgirl as she walked back into her room and picked up her phone.

_We can still save it. Wanna come over, watch a movie? It's still early._

She bit her lip, pondering what she wanted to do and what she knew she should do. In the end, she gave in and texted him back.

_Are you sure? What about your kids?_

She hit send and collapsed on her bed, waiting for his reply. Who was she kidding, really? She knew she wanted to see him and spend more time with him tonight after their awesome date. If Esposito hadn't called, Rick probably would still be there right now with her.

Not even a minute passed when her phone alerted her of yet another text message.

_They're asleep and you're not going to bother anyone, if that's what you're worried about. Come on, please? Don't make me beg. _

She chuckled and decided to throw caution to the wind. It was Friday night, a really great guy was asking her to spend some more time together after their amazing date that had been cut short because of her job.

How could she say no?

Getting out of bed, she quickly texted him, asking for his address, and threw on a more casual shirt and jeans. She was looking around for her ballet flats when her phone buzzed again. Putting her shoes on, she checked his message and replied saying she would be there soon.

She felt giddy and apprehensive when she knocked on his door twenty minutes later. The last thing she needed was to fall for this guy. Maybe this was a mistake. She had to work first thing in the morning, what had she been thinking? She had let her stupid hormones get the best of her. She knew better than that. But on the other hand, she really wanted to see him and if she was honest with herself, she knew that the chances of seeing him tomorrow were practically non-existent, given the mess this case was.

Well, either way, it was too late to back out now, she thought when the door opened, revealing a casually dressed Rick Castle. He had a Batman shirt and jeans on and his feet were bare. His smile was infectious when he saw her, immediately reaching out for her hand and pulling her to him. Their bodies crashed together and his arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. Leaning down – their height difference was quite something when she didn't have heels on – he pressed his lips to hers in a deep kiss.

"Hi." She whispered when they broke apart a couple of minutes later. He tucked her hair behind her ear and grinned that boyish smile of his, kissing her again.

"Hi." He closed the door behind her and started to lead her into the loft. "I'm so glad you're here." He told her, guiding her to the kitchen, his arms still wrapped around her.

"Me too." She smiled at him, leaning against the island. His loft was huge and she was sure she could fit her apartment three times over in there.

"How'd the case go?" He asked, showing her a bottle of wine to which she nodded.

"It's still going. Not much we can do tonight. We'll pick things up again in the morning." She sighed, accepting the glass from him, and took a sip. This case was really taking a toll on her.

"Tough one?" He gave her a small, sympathetic smile and she nodded.

"Yeah, it's just… it started out as a simple case and now it's snowballed into this massive, complicated thing." She shook her head, trying to dispel her thoughts, and took his outstretched hand. "I don't want to think about it anymore tonight." She confessed and he tugged on her hand, leading her to the living room.

"Let's get you to relax, then." He guided her to the couch and she let herself fall onto it with a sigh. To be completely honest, her exhaustion was starting to catch up with her. "What do you feel like watching?" He asked, walking over to his massive DVD collection.

"I'm not picky. Whatever you choose is fine with me." She threw a smile in his direction and leaned her head back on the couch, closing her eyes. When she felt him plop down beside her, she opened them again and turned her head to look at him. "So what are we watching?" He didn't say anything, just pulled her closer and pressed his lips to hers in a chaste kiss.

"I love that I can do that now." He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes, letting him kiss her again before settling against his side, head resting on his shoulder.

"The Notebook, Rick? Really?" She looked up at him with a smirk, unable to contain the quiet laugh that escaped.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it." He squeezed her arm affectionately and she chuckled, resting her head back on his shoulder.

"I have seen this movie, you know. A few times, in fact. I'm just surprised that you own it." She teased him and felt his shrug.

"What can I say, I'm a sensitive guy." He said lightly and she laughed again, playing with the hem of his shirt as the movie started in the big screen in front of them.

"Sure you are." She said with a yawn and heard him chuckle as he pressed a kiss to her hair.

Halfway through the movie, Kate took off her shoes and pulled her feet up, snuggling closer to him. He kept playing with her hair which just made her exponentially sleepier until she was having trouble keeping her eyes open. Wrapping an arm around his waist, she allowed herself to close her eyes for a moment.

* * *

><p>When she woke up again, it was dark and she had somehow ended up lying on the couch with Rick, who was snoring slightly next to her. Blinking groggily, she reached for her phone in her back pocket and closed her eyes against the harsh light when she unlocked it. When her eyes adjusted to it, she was shocked to see it was already past three in the morning.<p>

Shit.

She had to go. Now. She had to be at the precinct first thing in the morning. Jesus, how could she had just fallen asleep, she chastised herself, trying to sit up, but found herself stuck with Rick's arm around her.

"Kate?" She turned to look at him when she heard his sleepy voice. "What is it?" He blinked against the light of her phone and ran his fingers up and down her back.

"It's late. Really late. I have to go home." She told him, smiling at his adorably confused look. "We fell asleep, apparently."

"Oh." His hand came up and he rubbed his eyes sleepily, much like a little boy. "Why don't you stay?"

"I can't. I should go home." She tried to sit up again, but this time he held her in place, placing a kiss to her cheek.

"You said yourself it's late." He took her phone from her hands and checked the time. "It's almost 3:30, Kate. You shouldn't be out by yourself so late." He ran his fingers down her arm and found her hand, entwining their fingers together. "Come on. Let's sleep and you can go at first light out. How's that?" He suggested, pulling their joined hands to his chest. Kate looked up at him, debating with herself the wisdom of staying or not. A yawn escaped her and he laughed quietly. "Sleep, Kate." He kissed her lips lightly, sucking on her bottom lip for a moment. "Stay with me tonight." He murmured against her lips and she felt the rest of her resolve disappear. Sighing, she nodded and set her alarm for six o'clock.

"Okay." She whispered, settling back against him, and pressed her lips to his neck. "Sorry I fell asleep on you."

"No problem. Sweet dreams." He said sleepily and was out again in a matter of seconds.

Kate tried not to overthink this and told herself to relax. She could worry about what this could possibly mean in the morning. Right now, as his steady breathing made her eyes grow heavier, she decided she just wanted to sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: Your reviews are my drug of choice. So please tell me what you think?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: You guys are awesome. The response to this has surpassed my expectations by a mile. Thank you so much.**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters**

* * *

><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

The next time Kate opened her eyes, she was immediately aware of two things. One, it was already morning, if the light streaming through the gigantic window in Rick's living room was any indication. And two, a pair of bright blue eyes was staring curiously at her, with a wisp of red hair falling in front of it. Blinking groggily, her first reaction was to hide her face in the crook of Rick's neck to escape the harsh light that inundated the loft. She felt him stir momentarily, but he just tightened his hold around her, pulling her impossibly closer, and then his breathing was steady again, a light snore escaping his lips.

That was when she heard a giggle. A childish giggle.

Oh.

The pair of blue eyes. Lifting her head slowly, she found a red haired little girl watching them, her hand covering her mouth, apparently trying to contain her giggles.

_Oh._

Alexis.

She looked down at Rick, who was still sleeping peacefully, and then back at his giggling daughter. Biting her lip, she tried to think about how she was going to handle this through the sleepy fog that was dominating her brain, which was proving to be a very difficult task. Alexis kept looking at her curiously and Kate finally gave in, setting her chin on Rick's shoulder, while fishing her phone out of her pocket. Before checking the time, she offered a small smile at the young girl.

"Hi." Alexis whispered and Kate's smile grew. The fact that she was mindful of her dad's sleep was adorable.

"Hi." She whispered back and Alexis smiled timidly at her. Kate checked her phone. It was a little after 7 and she had to go home and change to go to work. "What are you doing up, sweetie? It's still early." She asked quietly and Alexis shrugged.

"I was thirsty." She brushed her too long bangs from her eyes before continuing. "And I wanted to watch TV. The cartoons I like are starting soon." She explained and Kate nodded.

"Did you get a glass of water?" She asked and Alexis shook her head.

"I saw daddy sleeping on the couch and came to check on him. And then I saw you."

"Well, let's go get it, then." She smiled at the girl and tried to sit up, but Rick's hold on her tightened. "I have to go." She whispered in his ear and placed a light kiss on his cheek. "And I know you're awake." She pinched his ear lightly and smirked when he yelped in a very unmanly way.

"Not fair." He mumbled and she rolled her eyes, chuckling. She sat up, but he still kept a hold on her, his eyes still closed.

"I'm going to get your daughter a glass of water. Lexi, tell him to let go of me." She said playfully and Alexis giggled, poking him in the ribs.

"Let her go, Daddy." She said happily and Kate laughed when he squirmed away. "Come on, Ms. Beckett." Alexis reached out her hand and Kate stared at it for half a second before taking it. The girl was usually so shy around her, that seeing her like this was refreshing. Stepping over Rick's legs, she stood up, letting Alexis lead her to the kitchen.

"You can call me, Kate, you know." She squeezed her hand lightly and Alexis looked up at her with a smile.

"Okay." She complied and waited for Kate to pour her a glass of water. "Thanks." She drank the full glass thirstily and handed it back to Kate. "Do you want to watch cartoons with me? They're really fun." She invited, but Kate shook her head, brushing her red hair behind her ear.

"I can't, honey. I have to go to work. Maybe next time?" She crouched down to the girl's level and offered a smile. Alexis looked slightly disappointed, but nodded her understanding.

"Okay." She sighed and reached out to touch Kate's hair. "You're really pretty, Kate." She whispered and Kate bit her lip, touched. "Like Snow White." She added, making Kate laugh quietly.

"You're really pretty too, Lexi. Like a princess. I bet your Daddy tells you that all the time." She smile and Alexis nodded enthusiastically.

"He even got me a Cinderella costume for my birthday." She told her as Kate stood up.

"I bet you look beautiful in it." Kate told her softly and the girl shrugged, taking her hand again as they walked back to the living room.

"I'll show you next time you come over." She promised and Kate nodded, not really sure of what she should say. She and Rick had just had their first date last night. Who was to say she was even coming back here again anytime soon? Of course, she hoped that this thing between them lasted and she could feel this strange connection with him, but it was still too soon to be making these kinds of promises to his kid.

"Hey, did you get your water, pumpkin?" Rick asked when they reached the couch and Alexis nodded, climbing onto it and settling against his side. "Do you have time for breakfast?" He turned to Kate, looking hopeful with those puppy dog eyes of his, and she shook her head.

"I have to go to work. Big case that needs to be solved, remember?" She smiled down at him and he tugged at her hand, pulling her down to his other side.

"Not even coffee? I have these really awesome coffee beans and I can brew you some really quick. Trust me, your life will never be the same after this." He grinned at her and she rolled her eyes at his expectant look, his hair sticking up in every direction.

"Only if it's really, really quick." She gave in and he beamed at her, pressing a light kiss to her lips. She was taken by surprise and an involuntary gasp – however quiet it was – escaped her lips. "Your daughter is right next to you." She whispered urgently, trying to keep the panicky feelings under the surface.

"I like you and she likes you and Jamie likes you. We're all good." He whispered back with a small, pleased smile and she sighed, biting her lip. "I love when you do that." He murmured, tracing her lips with his thumb. "So, coffee coming right up. I'll be right back."

He kissed her lips one more time and got up, making his way to the kitchen. Kate sighed and leaned back on the couch, closing her eyes, not sure how she felt about this. Was he this certain, this confident that they would work that he was not afraid of parading what they had in front of his kid? Okay, so it had been an innocent peck on the lips, but still. God, her thoughts were so jumbled inside her head that if she didn't stop overthinking this right now, she wouldn't know which way was up anymore.

She would just go with the flow. Yeah, that was a good plan.

"Kate?"

Alexis' quiet voice pulled her out of her overworked mind and she turned her head to look at the girl, who was sitting next to her mimicking her position.

"Yeah, Lexi?" She asked, curious and dreading what the girl had to say.

"I really like that your Daddy's girlfriend now." Alexis gave her a happy smile and Kate stared at her at a loss. "You're really nice." She added and Kate smiled weakly at her, not knowing what to say to that. "Want to watch a cartoon with me while Daddy is making you coffee?"

"Sure." Kate said, her voice coming out as if in a daze. Alexis scooted closer to her and Kate suddenly felt the weight of her little body leaning against her side. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Kate finally put her arm around the girl's shoulder so she could lean against her more comfortably. It was a good ten minutes later that Rick came back with two mugs of the most delicious smelling coffee and found them like this. She watched as he stopped, dead in his tracks, and stared at them for a long minute, a smile tugging on his lips.

"Morning." He said finally, handing her the coffee mug. She accepted with a timid smile and took a sip as he sat down next to her.

"Oh, wow." She nearly moaned at the incredible taste and turned to him. "What's in this?" She asked curiously, but he shook his head with a grin. "Oh, come on, Rick."

"If I tell you now, how am I going to convince you to come back here? I'm using this as leverage." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes, drinking her coffee.

"You don't have to bribe me, you know?" She nudged his side and felt him put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing it lightly.

"Good, cause you're welcome here anytime." He kissed her cheek, lingering for a moment. "You were really good with her back there." He whispered in her ear and she shrugged.

"Thanks." She gave him a small smile and turned back to her coffee, leaning against his side, and bringing Alexis with her.

"Dad?" They heard another child's voice and footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Couch, Jamie." Rick called back and soon the red haired boy appeared by the couch. "Hey, buddy. How'd you sleep?"

"Fine. I'm hungry." He told him with a yawn and his eyes widen when he noticed Kate was sitting there with his dad. "Hi, Ms. Beckett." He said excitedly. "Are you having breakfast with us?"

"No, sweetie, I was just leaving, actually. I'm late for work." She said gently and saw the boy's excitement deflate.

"Oh." He said, looking down and Kate felt bad. She turned to Rick, lifting an eyebrow questioningly.

"She can come some other day, Jamie." He said, looking at Kate and she nodded with a small smile. "How's that?"

"Promise?" Jamie looked at her, shuffling his feet, and Kate smiled at him, offering her pinky finger to him. He hooked his with hers and smiled.

"Pinky promise." She told him and chuckled when his smile grew.

"I can't wait. We can have pancakes and eggs and bacon and… oh, can we have a smorelette when Ms. Beckett comes, dad?" He turned to Rick, excitement restored, and his father laughed.

"Sure. I'm not sure she's going to like it, though." He told his son and stood up, taking Kate's empty mug. Kate stood up as well, after pressing a light kiss to Alexis' hair.

"I should get going. I'm really, really late." She said and smiled down at Jamie, ruffling his hair, and put her shoes on. "I'll see you soon, buddy. And you can call me Kate, alright?"

"Alright." He smiled up at her and she saw the adorable gap where he was changing his bottom baby teeth. "Can't wait, Kate."

"Why don't you guys sit tight while I walk Kate to the door and then I'll make us an awesome breakfast?" Rick suggested, picking up Jamie and playfully dropping him on the couch, much to the boy's delight. "Come on, I'll walk you out." He took her hand in his and led her to the front door. Once they were outside, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Hope that wasn't too much for you." He said sheepishly and Kate could see his insecurity shining in his eyes. Leaning up, she pressed her lips against his in a sweet kiss.

"Don't worry about it. Your kids are amazing." She reassured him and felt him let out a sigh in relief. "Thanks for last night. I had a really great time, even if I fell asleep on you in the end." She grinned and he laughed quietly, stealing a kiss.

"When am I going to see you again?" He whispered, resting his forehead on hers, and she closed her eyes.

"With this case going on, I'm not sure." She sighed and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Maybe we can try lunch sometime this week? I told you my hours were crazy." She pulled back to look at him and he shook his head, dismissing it.

"I'll tell you what. Why don't you call me and let me know when you have some free time? Even if it's just breakfast or lunch or whatever. If you get a break, call me and I'll be there." He suggested and a smile tugged her lips up.

"Okay." She nodded, trying to keep her smile at bay.

"Okay." He grinned widely at her and pulled her in for a deep kiss.

* * *

><p>When Kate arrived at the precinct, it was already close to 9am. She left her things at her desk and took a sip of the caramel cappuccino she had picked up at Starbucks on her way to work. Looking around, she spotted Ryan and Esposito chatting in the break room and made her way there. She was hungry, since she hadn't had time to stop and get something to eat. She had rushed into her apartment, jumped in the shower and got dressed for work in record time. On the way, she had stopped at Starbucks for another caffeine fix, but in her rush to get to the precinct, she forgot to buy something to eat. Now her stomach complained about the lack of sustenance and she made a mental note to go down to Remy's as soon as she had some free time.<p>

"Morning." She smiled at her boys and they nodded. Taking another sip of her cappuccino, she leaned against the counter. "Anything?"

"We're waiting on Blanchard's assistant. We called and asked her to come in for some questions." Ryan told her, taking a bite out of a croissant. Kate nodded.

"Can you guys handle that? I have to try to get in touch with Senator Donovan and I'm pretty sure that's going to be hell." She said and Esposito nodded.

"Sure, we'll let you know when she arrives if you decide you want in." He grinned at her and she looked at him questioningly. "So, looks like I interrupted something last night." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Kate rolled her eyes, drinking the rest of her coffee. "At least that's what it sounded like." He added with a smirk and Kate threw the closest object she could find – a pen – at him.

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response." She threw her cup in the trash and passed by him, elbowing his side playfully.

"Do we have to rough him up, tell him to take good care of you? Cause we can be pretty damn intimidating, right, bro?" He turned to Ryan for confirmation and the younger detective nodded enthusiastically, his mouth full.

"Oh, I'm sure." She said dryly, sarcasm dripping from her tone, making her way to the door.

"Come on, Becks, we're just looking out for you." He called after her and she shook her head, amused by their antics, and walked back to her desk.

Hours later, she was still hungry and hadn't gotten very far in getting in touch with the Senator. She had tried calling several times, but could only reach his lawyers, since, apparently, he wasn't taking any calls. When noon rolled around, she was cranky and tired and just wanted this case to go to hell. At least she wasn't sick anymore. That would've just made things a thousand times worse.

Deciding to give herself a ten-minute break, she checked her email and, after deleting junk mail and checking the news, she allowed her mind to wander back to earlier this morning. She had been taken completely by surprise when she woke up with Alexis watching them. It had been a while since she had dealt with kids and she had panicked for a moment there, not knowing what to do. She was glad that Alexis seemed to be more comfortable around her since the other times they had seen each other, the girl was always incredibly shy. Maybe it was the fact that she had been in her own home now that had made her open up like that. Jamie had been taken with her from the start and she knew that her real challenge was Alexis.

With a sigh, she leaned back on her chair. What was really bugging her, however, was that Rick had been so at ease with the fact that his kid had caught them sleeping. And then kissing her in front of aforementioned kid. Not that they had done anything too graphic, on the contrary. But now it made her wonder if this was a common occurrence in his loft. Did he always bring girls back there, which was why Alexis didn't seem really fazed by it? Was she just another one of his conquests? She knew his playboy extraordinaire fame, but what she had seen these past couple of weeks was that he was completely different. Or so she had thought.

Shaking her head to dispel those unwanted thoughts, Kate stood up to go look for Ryan and Esposito and tell them she was going to get some lunch. She shouldn't let her mind go into overdrive with this. Rick had been nothing but nice to her and they really seemed to have this spark between them. Overthinking this was just going to make her do something that would push him away, like she had always done in all her past relationships. They had just had one date. There was no reason for her to be freaking out like this.

Her phone ringing brought her out of her thoughts and she answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Beckett."

"Hi, Katie." Her sister's cheerful voice graced her ears.

"Hey, bug. What's up?" She smiled. They hadn't seen each other in almost a week and she really missed her.

"You tell me. How was your date?" She asked and Kate chuckled. Emily always cut straight to the chase.

"It was great." Kate told her and Emily groaned.

"Come on, Katie. Details." She insisted and Kate sighed. "But not the dirty ones, please." She added, making Kate laugh.

"I'll tell you what. Are you doing anything right now?"

"No, why?"

"Wanna grab some lunch at Remy's and I'll fill you in on the details?" She suggested, finally finding the boys near the interrogation rooms.

"Yes, of course. Meet you there in twenty?" She heard Emily say and confirmed it.

"See you soon, bug." She told her and hung up as she reached Ryan and Esposito. "Hey, is that the assistant?" She asked, looking through the open door to the interrogation room. The woman looked like was in her mid-fifties and looked oddly familiar to Kate.

"Yeah. That's Juliet Carter. She's been working at Peterson & Johnston for the past seven years or so. She was Blanchard's secretary." Esposito told her and Kate felt like she had just taken a blow to the stomach. "Becks, you okay?" He asked concerned, touching her arm.

"Juliet Carter, are you sure? That's her name?" She asked, her voice coming out unsteady. No, it couldn't be. It had to be a coincidence.

"Yeah, why? He asked confused and Kate finally tore her eyes away from the woman sitting in the room, looking nervous, and focused on her partner.

"Because she used to work for my parents."

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><p><strong>AN: Thoughts?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I feel really redundant by saying the same thing every chapter, but I really appreciate all your feedback here and on Tumblr. You guys have been amazingly supportive and for that, I thank you.**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters.**

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><p><strong>Hiding my Heart<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

Kate decided to let Ryan and Esposito handle Juliet's interrogation. Her mind was running circles in the speed of light and she had to keep telling herself that this didn't mean anything. Juliet Carter being here didn't mean anything. It couldn't. It had to be coincidence. Closing her eyes, she leaned back on the chair she was sitting on in the observation room and let out a heavy sigh. Her parents used to love having Juliet around and had worked with her for years before they were killed. Her mother, in particular, considered Juliet to be a close friend and Kate remembered having the woman over for birthdays and other special dates countless times when she was a teenager. After her parents were murdered, however, she lost touch with everyone that used to work in her parents' firm, including Juliet Carter.

Now as she watched the woman being interrogated, she couldn't help having flashbacks of happier times. She hadn't thought about her in years. She looked pretty much the same as she had ten years ago, but she seemed so tired, the dark circles under her eyes betraying what was probably a lot of sleepless nights. Kate couldn't blame her, really; three of her co-workers, including her boss, had been murdered in the span of three days. It was no wonder the woman looked so scared and nervous. During the questioning, she claimed she didn't know anything and recounted her last day with Kevin Blanchard. Kate knew she was innocent and had nothing to do with the case. The Juliet she knew would never hurt a fly. Part of her wanted to go in there and tell them to stop badgering her, but instead she sat in the observation room, hiding like a coward.

When Esposito finally opened the door of the interrogation room, Kate jumped to her feet and made her way outside. Just as she was closing the door to the observation room, Juliet saw her, eyes widened in surprise.

"Katie?" Her voice shook slightly and Kate had a flashback of her parents' funeral. Juliet had been wearing a black dress and sunglasses to hide her tears. She had hugged Kate and Emily tight and said nothing. Her silence and her touch had been enough to comfort them for that short moment. "Katie Beckett?"

"Hi, Juliet." Kate breathed, letting out a breath she hadn't been aware she'd been holding.

"Oh, Katie." The woman stepped forward and threw her arms around her in a fierce hug. "Oh, darling, look at you. You're all grown up." She reached up and touched her cheek with a joyous smile.

"I'm really sorry about Mr. Blanchard." Kate said quietly, walking with her to the elevator, aware that Ryan and Esposito were watching her closely.

"I still can't believe he's gone. He was such a nice man. So young too." She shook her head and let out a heavy sigh. "How have you been, sweetie? How's little Emily?"

"I'm alright. Emily is not so little anymore." She said with a small grin. "She just turned 21 last week."

"Oh wow, already? Time flies." She commented and Kate nodded, pushing the elevator button. "And you're a detective now, huh? I've heard of your work, you know, from the office. Your name has crossed our desks a few times. I just didn't know you were working on _this_ case." She said sympathetically, touching her arm and Kate sighed.

"Yeah." She said and the elevator doors opened. "It was great seeing you again, Juliet." She smiled at the older woman, who pulled her in for another hug.

"You too, Katie. Keep in touch, will you?" She said stepping into the elevator and Kate waved as the doors closed. When Juliet vanished from sight, Kate let out a heavy sigh, and leaned against the wall, closing her eyes.

"You okay, Becks?" She felt someone touch her arm and found Ryan looking at her with concern.

"Yeah, it's just… I hadn't seen her in a while." She forced a smile and saw Ryan looking behind her as the elevator pinged and the doors opened again.

"There you are!" Emily's voice startled her and she turned around in a flash. "I've been trying to call you for the past half hour."

"Oh, Em, I'm so sorry. We got caught up in something here and I completely forgot. We can go now." She smiled at her sister. At least Emily could distract her from the turmoil going on inside her head. Juliet's sudden appearance had thrown her off balance and the feeling that something was going on right in front of her eyes and she was totally missing it was stronger than ever.

"Is everything okay?" Emily asked, now looking at Kate concerned. Ryan stepped in, though, saving her from having to make up an excuse.

"Just normal cop stuff, little Beckett. You guys going out to lunch?" He gave them a friendly smile and Kate nodded at him gratefully.

"Yeah, do you mind? I'll be back in an hour." She said walking over to her desk to pick up her purse and jacket.

"Not at all. We'll hold down the fort while you're gone." He watched her as she put on her jacket and looked around to see where Emily was, spotting her talking to Esposito a couple of feet away. "Hey, are you sure you're okay?" He asked quietly and Kate nodded, touched by his concern. They really were the brothers she had never had.

"I'll be fine, Ryan." She gave him a small smile and touched his arm. "But thanks." She whispered and he nodded. "Come on, Em." She called her sister and waved at Esposito. "I'll be back soon, guys. Call me if anything comes up."

"Will do, boss." Esposito called after her and she told herself to relax and focus on having lunch with her little sister.

Juliet Carter showing up in the middle of a murder investigation that was a lot like her parents' didn't mean anything.

It was just a coincidence.

Please, God, it _had_ to be.

* * *

><p>Three weeks passed and they hadn't made any arrests or a lot of progress on the Peterson &amp; Johnston triple murder investigation. Others cases kept coming through the door and the team had to focus on things they could solve immediately. The four cases they had caught in those three weeks had been solved in record time and, even though they didn't have much to go on the triple murder, their solve rate was still one of the highest of the 12th Precinct.<p>

It was a Friday night and Kate was standing in front of the Peterson & Johnston murder board that she had set up again when they had closed the other cases. It was late and the bullpen was pretty much empty, most of the detectives and uniforms having already gone home for the night. Still, she kept staring at the board, comparing timelines and facts. Something had to pop. Something had to makes sense in this case. The Senator had alibied out, as had all his known associates and employees, which left them pretty much back at square one. With their prime suspect out of the game and no other possible suspect to take his place, they didn't have anything to go on and it was driving Kate mad with frustration. She always solved her cases. Always. She would crack this one eventually. She had to.

"I figured I'd find you here."

She turned around, startled, her hand flying to her chest, where her heart was racing like crazy. Rick was watching her, leaning against a desk a few feet away, and smiled at her reaction. They had seen each other every other day for the past three weeks, but it always seemed to be rushed because she was in the middle of a case or he had to go get the kids or go to a meeting with his publisher. They had hung out when they could, but they still hadn't been out on an official second date. Now that he was standing just a few feet away from her, she realized she had really missed him in the past two days that they hadn't seen each other.

"Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack." She gasped, massaging her chest and he laughed, walking over to her. She slapped his arm when he got within reach and gave him a small smile, rolling her eyes, when he feigned pain at her attack. "Hey." She whispered and leaned up for a kiss. He pressed his lips to hers and she allowed him to deepen it for a moment, his tongue playing with hers for a delicious second, before she remembered where she was and pulled away. He touched her cheek, caressing it with his thumb and pressed another quick kiss to her lips.

"Hey." He finally whispered back and leaned against the desk next to her, their arms touching. His hand quickly found hers and took it captive. "I missed you." He confessed and she smiled at him, trying to push down that warm feeling that kept spreading through her whenever he was around these days.

"Missed you too." She said quietly, threading her fingers through his, and leaned against his side.

She still had that lingering doubt about his playboy extraordinaire fame, but he managed to make her forget about it every time they were together. Lately, she hadn't been thinking much at all about it, if she was completely honest, but that was probably because she had been so determined to crack this case. Every time she looked at the pictures of the crime scenes, her mind immediately flashbacked to that night when she had found her parents. It had been consuming her thoughts and she couldn't shake this horrible feeling of foreboding. She felt silly for even thinking about it, but she truly felt this was just the beginning, the calm before the storm.

Yeah, it sounded incredibly cliché in her mind too.

"How long until you can get outta here?" He asked and she sighed, looking around the bullpen, noticing that it was now completely empty, except for the two uniforms in the break room that were still on shift.

"Now, actually. I was just reviewing the case, trying to find something we may have missed." She gestured to the board in front of her and Rick turned to look at the setup, grimacing when he saw the gruesome photographs.

"Wow." He breathed, staring at Blanchard's lifeless eyes in the picture.

"Death is never pretty." She commented and he nodded, still looking at the board. "Hey, I thought you didn't have anyone to stay with Jamie and Alexis tonight." She said, walking over to her desk to gather her things. He followed her and helped her put on her jacket.

"Their mother showed up this afternoon out of the blue. We don't really get along all that well anymore so I thought I'd stay out of the way and let the kids enjoy their time with her. God only knows when she's going to show up again." He explained, shrugging in the end, and took her hand, as they walked to the elevator.

"Oh." It was all she could think to say. It was the first time he mentioned any sort of relationship with his ex-wife.

"So I thought I'd come and see you because I hadn't seen you in two whole days." He grinned at her boyishly and she felt her lips tugging up out of their own volition in a timid smile. "You'd mentioned you were still working on this case, so I figured you'd still be here when I couldn't find you at home and you wouldn't answer your phone." He tugged on her hand and she went willingly, leaning against his side.

"Oh, it died a couple of hours ago and I forgot my charger at home." She explained and pulled him into the elevator when the doors opened. Pushing the button to the first floor, she leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes. She hadn't realized how tired she was until now.

"Tired?" He asked, rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand.

"Yeah." She nodded and turned to look at him. "So what's the plan?"

"I thought maybe we could grab some dinner. You up for it?" He asked and she leaned against him again, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment.

"We could grab some Chinese and then head back to my place. If you don't mind, that is." She suggested and he nodded, pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Sounds great." He said as the doors opened and they stepped out.

It was a nice night out, the spring air making everyone come out and enjoy the pleasant temperature. Summer was approaching and the freezing winter temperatures were long gone. They walked hand in hand, talking quietly about nothing and Kate suddenly realized how comfortable she felt with him. Even when their conversation hit a lull and they were quiet, it wasn't awkward. She looked at his profile and had to fight the urge to reach out and run her fingers (and lips) over his stubbly jaw.

In the end, they decided to go straight to her place and order in. Hailing a cab, Rick ushered her inside when one finally stopped and she gave the driver her address. Leaning back against him, she let out a sigh that quickly turned into a yawn.

"Sorry I'm not the greatest company in the world tonight." She murmured, turning to him, hiding her face in the crook of her neck. "I didn't realize how tired I was until now."

She pulled away, enough to look at him, but he just shook his head and kissed her. The gentle kiss slowly deepened and turned a lot more passionate then she was expecting. Suddenly all her exhaustion all but evaporated as his hands gently explored whatever they could reach on her body. His touch left a trail of fire in their wake and she felt breathless, but craving more at the same time. When he slipped his hand under her shirt, caressing the taut skin of her stomach and then brushed the underside of her breasts, a gasp escaped her lips. He attacked her neck as she tried to catch her breath, nipping her skin and letting his tongue soothe the slight pain afterwards. She searched his lips again and their tongues had just begun to dance together again when the driver tapped on the window that separated the backseat from the front seats.

They pulled apart as if they had been burned and Kate tried to dig her wallet out of her purse, cheeks burning, but Rick was quicker and gave him a fifty, telling him to keep the change. She rolled her eyes at his inability to let her pay for anything and got out of the car with him following closely behind. When he caught up with her, he hugged her from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist and placing butterfly kisses on her neck, while she tried to find her keys. His ministrations were entirely too distracting and she had to nudge him away for a moment to have the presence of mind to fish her keys out of her purse. When she finally managed to open the door, they stumbled inside her building, giggling and kissing like teenagers. She stepped away from him for a moment, tugging him along by his hand and led him to the elevator, pushing the button. While they waited, Rick kept her distracted by gently sucking on her collarbone, which made a delicious shiver run through her body.

Dazedly, she wondered why they had waited almost a month for this, as they stepped into the elevator. He cornered her against the wall after she pushed the button for the fourth floor and reclaimed her mouth, kissing her deeply. His hands seemed to be everywhere and his body pressed against hers and her hips moving out of their own accord against his were making her head spin and she couldn't quite catch her breath. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she had experienced something so intense and they were only kissing, she thought dizzily when the ping of the elevator announced they had arrived on her floor. She pulled away from him, dragging him by the hand until they stopped at her door. Before she could get her keys in the lock, he had pressed her against the door and she allowed him to steal her away into this pleasant world for a few minutes. She had never thought that this was how her night would end when she standing in front of that murder board not even an hour ago. She could feel his need for her pressing against her hips and it took all of her self control to break their connection and turn around in his arms to open the door.

"I really, really missed you." He whispered in her ear, taking her lobe between his teeth. She laughed breathlessly and turned the key in the lock, opening the door.

"I missed you too." She allowed him to turn her around and kiss her again, pushing her into the apartment. "So much." She murmured against his lips without thinking, pulling his body close until it was pressed against hers again.

They stumbled into the apartment in a mess of lips, tongues and teeth until Kate tripped on something and nearly lost her balance. Startled, she broke their kiss and held on to him to prevent her fall. They looked at each other confused for a moment until she reached out and flipped the switch on the wall, illuminating the living room. Looking down to see what had interrupted them, she felt her blood freeze in her veins and her breath catch in her throat.

"What is it?" Rick asked, concerned at the sudden change in her eyes. "Kate?"

"Oh, no." She whispered to herself, shaking her head. "Not again." She had nearly forgotten about it and now there it was again.

Another stupid manila envelope addressed to her.

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><p><strong>AN: Thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I know this is a little bit shorter than usual, but this was getting entirely too long and I felt that this part should stand on its own before we move the plot along. I'm hoping to post the second part of this chapter tomorrow night. Thank you so much for everyone who is sticking with this story and for your amazing feedback here and on Tumblr. You guys are the best.**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters.**

* * *

><p><strong>Hiding My Heart<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

"Kate?"

She heard his voice as if coming from a distance. The envelope seemed to be mocking her as she stared at it on the floor. The first thing she noticed was that it seemed to be thicker this time, a lot thicker, but her name was staring at her from the exact same handwriting it had been on the previous one. She knew she wouldn't be able to ignore it and throw it away this time, whatever it contained. Someone was leaving this at her door and that was just startlingly creepy and something she would probably have to report now.

"Kate, what's wrong?" He asked again and she finally found it in herself to break the staring contest she had been engaged in with the offending object on her floor and look at him. Whatever he saw in her eyes, had him look at her with even more concern. "Honey, what is it?" He reached out and touched her cheek, his worried eyes searching hers.

Only part of her brain registered the fact that he had called her honey, but right then she didn't care. The priority was to snap out of her shock or whatever this was and get to business. Crouching down, she picked up the envelope and stood up, walking into the apartment. She heard Rick close the door behind her and tried to think of ways she could possibly get out of telling him anything about this, but her mind was drawing a blank. Tossing her purse on the couch, she ripped open the envelope and pulled out its contents with shaking hands, already dreading what she was about to see.

It was a binder with what looked like a case file. Kate frowned, confused. This was not what she had been expecting. Sitting down on the couch, she opened it and felt her heart skip a beat. She would recognize that handwriting anywhere, the amount of times she had tried to copy it as a kid. With her hands shaking again, she tried to make sense of the words staring back at her, but couldn't. All she could see was her mother's handwriting in the little notes that seemed to populate the corners of the pages. Taking a deep breath, she tried to clear her mind to try to understand what all of this meant.

As she let out the air slowly, a name caught her eye. Robert Donovan. The senator. Kate blinked to make sure she was reading what she thought she was reading, but there was no mistake. It was the one and the same, only he hadn't been a senator back then. No, ten years ago, he was the mayor of New York City and suddenly it all came back to her. She remembered a conversation she had had with her mother that summer, the day after she had arrived home from Stanford, with a startling clarity. Her mom had been excited that they had caught this huge case that could do wonders for their reputation as a firm. Her parents had just opened their own law firm a little over a year before and this was their first big case. The mayor was being prosecuted for raping a 13-year-old girl, daughter of one of his employees.

Now that Kate thought about it, the case had been buried after her parents died and the charges had been dropped since the attorneys that had taken over the case didn't have any evidence to support their argument. Everything her parents had put together to incriminate Donovan had just suddenly disappeared.

And now that file was in her hands.

Holy Mother of God.

"Kate."

She looked up and found Rick handing her a glass of water. She had completely forgotten he was there. Accepting it, she drank it all in one go, only then realizing how dry her throat had been up until now.

"Thanks." She murmured and he took the glass from her, setting it on the coffee table, before taking a seat next to her. She only realized her hands were still trembling when he covered one of them with his own.

"You okay?" He asked quietly and she finally tore her eyes from the file sitting in her lap, from her mother's cursive handwriting, and turned to look at him. She tried to think of what she could tell him, but her mind seemed to have shut down. "Is there anything I can do to help?" He tried again and she shook her head, a shaky breath escaping her lips. They were silent for a moment, until he threaded his fingers through hers and gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. "You got another envelope like this one, didn't you? That day you were sick?" He prompted and she bit her lip, wondering how on earth did he remember that.

"Yeah." She breathed out and closed her eyes, leaning back against the couch. "I threw it away." She added, turning her head to face him.

"Can I ask what was in it?" His thumb was drawing lazy circles on the back of her hand and Kate let out a sigh, figuring she should just get it over with, like ripping off a Band-Aid.

"Clippings of articles about my parents' deaths." She whispered, her chest aching again. Every time she talked about it, it felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest all over again. Rick looked at her confused. "They were murdered ten years ago. Almost ten years ago." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes again, willing the tears that had welled up in her eyes to recede. "They never caught who did it." Her voice shook and she chastised herself for not being stronger than this. Then the next thing she knew, Rick was touching her cheek, wiping away a stubborn tear with his thumb, and then suddenly she was pressed against his chest, his arms holding her tightly.

"Oh, Kate, I am so sorry, honey." He whispered in her ear and her heart skipped a beat for the grief she was feeling all over again and for the endearment that had escaped his lips one more. She allowed herself a few minutes in his arms, breathing him in as she burrowed her face in the crook of his neck. "I had no idea. I can't even imagine how hard that must've been for you." He said quietly and she sighed heavily, wishing she could just stay like this, in the safety of his arms forever, and that all of this would just disappear. When she pulled away, she realized she had been crying the entire time, by the wet stain in the collar of his shirt.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled, wiping away her tears quickly, feeling embarrassed for allowing her emotions to get the best of her. He framed her face with his hands and pressed a lingering kiss to her lips.

"Don't be." He said simply and kissed her tear stained cheeks. "Is there anything I can do to help? Who is sending this to you?" He asked gently and she shook her head.

"I don't know." She took a deep breath, trying to pull herself together. She had to clear her mind if she wanted to make sense of this. And in order to do that, she needed to be able to think objectively. "I'd nearly forgotten about it. The other one was almost a month ago."

"What's in this one?" He put an arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer to his side, his fingers running up and down soothingly on her arm.

"That's what's weird. It's a case file that my mom was working on." Kate bit her lip and touched her mother's handwriting almost reverentially. "See these notes here? They're all hers. It was the case she was working on when they were killed." She turned to look at him and found him with a frown, apparently confused.

"Why would anyone send something like this to you? It doesn't make any sense." He said finally and she nodded.

"I know. The only connection here is that the case mom was working on with my dad was about Senator Donovan. Only he wasn't a senator yet back then." She explained.

"Wait, isn't the case you're working on now related to this guy?" He asked suddenly and she nodded. "Still, it doesn't sound like a threat. You know, sending you the file that connects both cases. Right? I mean, I'm no expert but…" He thought out loud and she interrupted him.

"I know, that's what's strange about this whole thing. It's almost like… whoever this is wants to give me clues. Does that make sense?"

"Kind of." He looked down at the file in her hands and touched the hand that was still tracing her mother's notes. "Are you going to report this?"

"I have to. I ignored it before, but I can't do that anymore. This actually might help us solve this case. Either that or it's just one gigantic coincidence." She shrugged, leaning more fully into his side. "I just wish this case would disappear, you know?" she murmured, closing her eyes again. "Every time I look at those photos it just brings back memories. Memories that I wish I could erase from my mind." She felt him press a kiss to her forehead and took a deep breath, figuring that if she had already told him part of the story, she might as well tell him everything. "We found them." Her voice shook again and she bit her lip to try and keep the tears at bay. "Emily and I, we found mom and dad in the kitchen."

"Oh, Kate." The tone of his voice was laced with pain, as if somehow he could feel her own grief. He pulled her even closer to him, until she was draped across his lap, her head resting on his chest. His steady heartbeat was incredibly soothing to her frail emotions. "I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say." He murmured against her hair, pressing a kiss to it.

"And it took me years to try to get over it and now things were going so well." Her voice caught again and she tried to take a deep, steadying breath, but a sob escaped instead. "I don't want to get lost in this again. I can't. I don't think I can survive going through this one more time." Her voice came out fast and unsteady and the tears were flowing relentlessly down her cheeks.

"Hey, look at me." He touched her chin and their eyes met. The myriad of emotions running through his was almost too much for her to bear. "I will do everything in my power to help you. I know I'm not a cop." He said quickly when she opened her mouth to speak. "But I care about you. A lot, Kate. I really do and I want you to be happy. I don't… seeing you like this right now? It's killing me. Let me help, please. Even if it's just to distract you, take your mind off of it. Anything." He brushed away her tears and she nodded slowly, resting her head on his chest again.

"Thank you." She said quietly and felt his arms tighten around her, giving her the comfort that she needed at that moment. "I have to call the boys. Report this in, send it to forensics." She tried to pull away, but his arms kept her in place.

"Can it wait a few minutes?" He asked quietly and she looked up at him, tears still shining in her eyes. "Please?" he added and she sighed, leaning into his embrace again. It looked like he needed a minute to pull himself together as well. "Does Emily know about the first envelope?" He broke the silence after a few minutes and she shook her head.

"No, I never told anyone. Especially not Em. She was just a kid and it was so incredibly hard on her. I didn't want to bring this back up again, you know? I don't want her to get involved in this." She said and a yawn escaped her lips, a sudden exhaustion weighing her body down.

"Maybe you should get some rest before doing anything about this?" He suggested, but she shook her head, still not making any move to get up. "Kate, I can see how tired you are. Let's deal with this in the morning."

"I should report it." She said tiredly, her fingers playing with the button on his shirt. "But I guess you're right." She conceded after another yawn. "We should order something in. You're probably hungry." She looked up at him and found him offering her a small smile.

"I can get something to eat at home if you just want to go to bed." He offered but she shook her head, biting her lip.

"Can you…" She let out a heavy sigh, willing herself to not feel so foolish for asking what she was about to ask. "Could you stay? Tonight. I mean, I just don't want…" He pressed his lips against hers, effectively silencing her.

"Of course I'll stay." He reassured her, kissing her softly again, and she let out a sigh in relief.

"What about Alexis and Jamie?" She asked, but he shook his head.

"Meredith has them tonight. I'll just call her and let her know I'll be home tomorrow morning."

"Are you sure?"

"They'll be fine for tonight. Don't worry about it." He kissed her lips again. "I'm not leaving you, Kate."

And for the first time in years, she found herself actually believing in those words.

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><p><strong>AN: Thoughts?**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm so sorry I took so long to post this, but this week was kind of hectic here and I literally didn't have time to write. That said, I hope you're still enjoying this.**

**Disclaimer: See previous chapters**

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><p><strong>Hiding My Heart<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Kate woke up with a gasp, bolting up in bed. Her heart was hammering her ribcage and her breathing was ragged as she tried to recognize her surroundings. With a hand to her chest, she tried taking a deep breath to try and slow down her heart rate. She couldn't exactly remember what she had been dreaming about, but whatever it had been it had probably downright scary if her reaction was anything to go by. Although, if she was honest with herself, she knew what the nightmare had most likely been about, especially after the envelope and telling Rick about her parents. She should have known this was going to happen.

Looking out the window, she let out a heavy sigh, swinging her legs to the side of her bed. She debated with herself if she should just fall back asleep, but as she looked at the alarm clock on her nightstand, the glowing red numbers indicated that it was close to 5am. Running her knuckles over her eyes sleepily, she figured it would be best if she just got up now. To be honest, she didn't want to risk another nightmare. Not with Rick here.

Standing up, she turned around to watch him, still fast asleep in her bed. His hair was standing up in all ends and she fought the urge to run her fingers through the silky strands, not wanting to wake him up. Instead, she turned around and made her way to the window seat, where they had left the curtains wide open. The sky was clear and she suddenly wished she could be up in her grandmother's house upstate in Peekskill where she could see the stars. She suddenly had a clear memory of lying down in the backyard of her Grandma's house with a really young Emily, trying to teach her the constellations, just as her mom had done with her a few years before. Right now, as she tried to shake this uneasiness brought on by her recent nightmare, she wished with all her might that she could go back in time, to when things were a lot less complicated than the mess she found herself in right now.

"Kate?" His quiet voice echoed in the room and she turned around startled. "What's wrong?" He asked sleepily and she offered him a small smile.

"It's nothing, Rick. Go back to sleep." She leaned her head back and looked out the window again, the streets of New York uncharacteristically quiet outside. With a sigh, she tried to hold on to those happy memories, Emily's excited giggle still ringing in her ears as she had identified a constellation correctly, when she felt him touch her shoulder gently.

"It's early. Let's go back to bed." He said quietly, playing with a strand of her hair. She looked up at him, affection shining in her eyes.

"I couldn't sleep." She confessed and looked away from him, biting her lip.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, sitting down next to her, as he took one of her hands in his.

"I'm fine. Just…" she sighed heavily again, feeling the weight of this complicated mess on her shoulders. "Bad dream, that's all. Don't want to go back to sleep just yet." She said in a rush, refusing to look him in the eye for fear she would find her childish for being afraid of a stupid dream when she was a grown woman. He didn't speak for a moment, only traced the back of her hand lightly with his thumb.

"Come on." He said finally and stood up, tugging on her hand to pull her up as well. She got up, surprised at his strong hold on her, and he immediately wrapped her in a hug, his smell surrounding her and doing wonders for her nerves. "I'll stay awake with you until you fall asleep again." He tucked her hair behind her ear, his hand lingering on her neck. "And if you have a nightmare again, I'll wake you up. Okay?" She held his gaze for a moment before nodding her acceptance. Leaning into him, she breathed him, nuzzling his neck.

"Thank you." She whispered into the relative darkness, her lips brushing his skin.

"For what?" He asked quietly, a tone of surprise to his voice. She pulled away to look at him, her hand reaching out involuntarily to brush through his hair gently. With a small smile, she brushed her lips against his once, twice, three times before capturing his bottom lip and sucking on it.

"Everything." She breathed into the kiss, her hand coming to rest on his neck, bringing him closer as she pressed her lips more firmly to his.

She suddenly felt such a surge of affection for him, so deep and warm and it ran through her veins, urging her on as she deepened their kiss. He had been nothing but amazing and caring since this whole thing between them began and she needed to show him how much she reciprocated his feelings and how deeply he affected her. Pulling him tighter against her body, she encouraged his tongue to come out and play with hers as a wave of arousal suddenly coursed through her. His hands travelled down to her hips and pulled her against him tightly, eliciting a moan from her. She pulled away, breathless, only to have him shower her neck and jaw with wet kisses that were sending her body into overdrive as heat engulfed her. She tilted her neck to give him more access and a gasp escaped her lips when he sucked on the spot behind her ear.

Her hands kept busy as she tried to touch him everywhere she could reach. When she slipped them inside his shirt, pulling it up, he pulled away from her to allow her to take it off and throw it to the side. Now that she had complete access to his skin, she ran her hands over his chest experimentally, using her nails gently from time to time, reveling in the shivers her touch elicited from him. He pulled her back into a fiery kiss, making her head spin with the intensity of the feelings bubbling up inside her. She dazedly thought that maybe this was what it felt like to be in love, but she didn't have time to think it through, as he slipped his hands inside her shirt and pulled it over her head. She watched as he looked at her bare, an almost reverential look on his face and she had to try her best not to feel embarrassed under his heated gaze. He reached out and touched her so gently that it made her shiver, tracing the scar she had on her right shoulder and travelling down to the other one she had on the same side, just under her breast.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, pulling her back to him, his kiss slower now, softer, as his hands traced her sides, teasing her breasts. She arched into him when he brushed his thumb against her hardened peaks and wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, letting her tongue dance lazily with his. It felt like liquid fire was spreading through her veins, reaching every nerve ending in her body. She broke their kiss and brushed her lips against his stubbly jaw, until she reached his ear.

"Yes." She whispered hoarsely before tugging on his earlobe with her teeth.

His hand gripped her hip, pulling her harshly against him as he captured her lips again. Caught up in the deep kiss that was making her dizzy, she only realized they were moving when the back of her legs reached her bed and she fell back onto it, bringing him with her.

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><p>The first thing Kate noticed when she woke up again was that her pillow was moving. Opening her eyes, she groaned when the early morning light greeted her and closed them again immediately. That was when she felt her pillow shake and a chuckle sound through it and into her. Stretching her body lazily with her eyes still closed, she discovered that her legs were tangled with another pair of legs, making it almost impossible for her to stretch properly. Sighing contently, she let the memories of the events of just a couple of hours before wash over her. Amazing, she thought with a small, pleased smile, how one good thing can outshine all the bad things that had happened yesterday. As she felt a hand run up and down her naked back lazily, she remembered how attentive he had been, how his touch had made her feel, how much she was feeling for this man and how she wasn't quite ready to face all of it just yet.<p>

"Morning." She heard him say sleepily and turned her head in the direction of his voice, resting her chin on his chest.

"Morning." She smiled at him a little timidly, drawing on his chest with her fingers. He smiled back and touched her cheek.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked gently and she sighed, resting her cheek back down on his chest, the sound of his heart beating nearly lulling her back to sleep.

"Like a baby." She placed a kiss to his skin and felt his arm tighten around her. "What time is it?" She asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Almost 8." He said, after checking her alarm clock, and she groaned.

"I have to get up." She mumbled, not making any move to do so. He pulled her up closer, until their lips were a mere inch apart, and smiled gently at her, his hand teasing the back of her neck. Kate didn't resist the magnetic pull and met his lips willingly in a slow kiss that had her groaning in pleasure against his mouth. She allowed herself to get lost in it for a moment, before pulling away. "I have to go to work." She said and found herself lost in a deep kiss again. "Rick." She put a hand on his chest and tried to keep her distance. "I wish I could stay here all day, but I can't. I have to report that damn file." she burrowed her face into his neck and sighed.

"Alright." She felt him sigh too and place a kiss to her cheek. "Are you feeling better?" He asked quietly and she nodded against his neck.

"I'm so glad you're here." The words escaped her lips without her consent and she stiffened for a second, embarrassed that she had spoken without thinking. His arms tightened around her and he pulled back to meet her eyes. Leaning in, he brushed his lips against hers gently.

"So am I, Kate." He told her sincerely and she felt a smile tugging her lips up. Nuzzling his neck, she kissed his skin, sucking on his pulse point softly. "So am I, Kate." He repeated and she wondered sleepily again if that warm feeling in her chest, spreading throughout her body was what love felt like.

* * *

><p>"Well, don't you look cheerful this morning, Becks." Ryan grinned at her when she reached her desk and put away her things. Turning around, she found him and Esposito watching her with knowing looks and rolled her eyes at them.<p>

"I have something to show you guys." She decided to ignore his little quip and cut straight to the chase, the file inside her bag seeming to weigh a ton as she took it out. "Come on." She nodded in the direction of the conference room and started to make her way there, knowing they would immediately follow her.

"What is it?" Esposito asked after Ryan closed the door. She told them to sit down and slid the file on the table in their direction. They looked at it and, when they were finished, looked back at her with identical puzzled looks. "Where did this come from?"

"I don't know." She sighed and leaned back on her chair. "It's the second anonymous envelope I've gotten." She confessed and watched as they raised their eyebrows in confusion.

"Where is the other one?" Ryan asked and she looked away, biting her lip, unsure.

"I threw it away." She ran a hand through her hair agitatedly and stood up. "I freaked out. They were clippings of my parents' deaths."

"Beckett…" Esposito started, but she shook her head, pacing the room.

"No, you don't understand. I _panicked_. I thought it was someone taunting me, I don't know." Kate closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, a headache making itself known. "But then I got this one last night and it changed everything. See these notes here? They're my mom's. I'd recognize her handwriting anywhere."

"It doesn't make any sense, though." Ryan frowned, thumbing through the pages. "Why would someone send this to you? And more than that, who would have access to something like this?"

"I don't know. I've been thinking about this all night and I can't come up with anything plausible. These files disappeared after my parents died. That's why the charges against Donovan were dropped back then." She explained and watched as they nodded thoughtfully. "If anything, I think whoever sent me this is somehow trying to help maybe? Clue me in?" She wondered out loud and sat back down, resting her elbows on the table and her head in her hands, frustrated.

"Well, at least we can tie this to the case now. Our case." Esposito said and turned to look at her. "Becks, you don't think this could maybe be connected to your parents' murders?" He mused and she looked at him for a moment in silence, turning the possibility around in her head. It was something she had thought about several times ever since they had gotten the Peterson & Johnston case, but she had refused to even consider it a possibility.

"I think it's possible and I've been thinking about it since we caught this case. The MO is exactly the same." She said quietly and let out a heavy sigh, feeling a little lighter now that she was sharing this with her boys.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" Ryan reached out and touched her arm gently and she shook her head after smiling gratefully at him.

"I don't know. I guess I didn't want to go through this again." She admitted and they were all silent for a minute. "But now I can't ignore the similarities anymore, can I? It's glaringly obvious."

"You know, you don't have to do this, Becks. We can just report this and ask another team to take over." Esposito said gently, but she shook her head vehemently. "It's too personal, Kate. Too close to you."

"I need to see this through, guys. Whoever sent this apparently wants me to connect both cases. And this is my _parents _we're talking about here. They deserve justice and maybe this is our chance to finally catching whoever took them away from me and Emily." She said firmly and they watched her for a moment, apparently deciding whether they should back away or not.

"Okay." Esposito conceded and Kate let out a breath she hadn't even been aware she had been holding. "Let's send this to forensics and see if we can get prints off them. Then we'll see what we can do from there. Alright?"

"Alright." She nodded and felt her eyes welling up with tears all of a sudden, relieved that she could finally share this burden with someone she could trust. "Thanks, guys." She said quietly as they all stood up. Esposito squeezed her shoulder comfortingly.

"We're going to figure this out." He promised and she nodded again, biting her lip to keep her stubborn tears at bay.

They smiled at her and left the room with the file in hand. At least they had something to go on now.

* * *

><p>It was only a couple of weeks later that they finally heard back from forensics about the files. Kate had been enjoying a quiet dinner at Rick's loft with him and the twins as it had become the norm with them. She would go over for dinner at least twice a week and had stayed the night a couple of times, even if she still felt a little weird about staying over with his kids around. But Alexis and Jamie were so adorable and sweet that she found herself enjoying their company more and more lately. Especially when things were difficult at work or she had a long day. Being with them started to make things easier and it was a chance to unwind.<p>

She had met Rick's mother, the famous Broadway actress Martha Rodgers, that week and it was the first time she had found herself star struck. Her dad had been a fan and she had seen countless plays Martha had been in when she was a teenager. Being around her now reminded her so much of her father that sometimes it overwhelmed her. Martha had been nothing but sweet and caring, though.

"Kate, darling, how are you doing?" The actress asked as she walked into the loft. Kate had been watching Toy Story 3 with the kids on the couch as Rick prepared their dessert.

"I'm doing just fine, Martha. How about you?" She said with a smile as she ran her hand gently through Jamie's red hair. He was sprawled against her side, head resting on her chest sleepily. Alexis was sitting close to her on the couch, completely enthralled by the movie.

"I'm great. Rehearsals have been exhausting, though." Martha answered, leaning down to press a kiss to both her grandkids' foreheads.

"Right. Rick mentioned the opening night is next week."

"Yes, and I would love if you could come. You don't have to worry about tickets, obviously." She said with a flourish and Kate nodded, smiling.

"I'll try my best to make it. I'd love to see you on stage again." She said somewhat shyly, the memory of her father strong in her mind. "I'll talk to Rick and maybe we can go next weekend."

"Wonderful, darling. Would you join me for a glass of wine?" Martha suggested and Kate nodded, trying to move so she could help her with the bottle and glasses. "No, stay there, Kate. Jamie looks like he's about to pass out soon." She commented with a tender smile as she looked down at her grandson. Kate looked down at him and sure enough, he was fighting to stay awake. Kate smiled and pressed a kiss to his hair, tightening her hold on him. "You know he can't stop talking about you." The actress said with a knowing smile and Kate looked up at her, not sure who she had meant. "Rick _and_ Jamie."

Kate bit her lip and looked back at Rick as he worked on their brownie and ice cream in the kitchen, not knowing what to say. When she looked back, Martha was gone and she sighed, leaning her head back on the couch. Soon, she felt Alexis leaning against her side and looked down to find the girl asleep. Putting an arm around her shoulders, she pulled her tighter against her body, wondering how exactly this had happen. These two wonderful little kids, who were so completely taken with her, had already turned her life around and she found herself actually missing them when she went a few days without seeing them. Pressing a kiss to Alexis' temple, she allowed herself to relax and closed her eyes.

She was starting to fall asleep when her phone suddenly rang, startling her.

"Beckett." She said quietly so not to wake the two sleeping children.

"Hey, Becks. Why are you whispering?" She heard Ryan's intrigued tone and leaned her head back on the couch again, fighting a yawn.

"Because I have two little kids sleeping next to me. What's up?" She asked before he could tease her about playing mom, as she knew he was dying to do.

"We heard back from forensics, but the print they found on the files, aside from ours, is not in the system. Sorry." He said regretfully and Kate sighed.

"Well, it was worth a shot, right?" She said tiredly. "You're bringing in Donovan's campaign manager for questioning tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"So that's somewhere to start." She rubbed her eyes sleepily, thinking that she would fall asleep soon if Rick didn't hurry up with that dessert. Saying goodbye to Ryan, she hung up and tried to relax again. She had just closed her eyes when her phone rang again and she sighed, frustrated, answering it without looking at the caller ID. "Beckett."

"Katie?" she heard a familiar voice and frowned. No one called her Katie anymore, except her sister and grandma. "This is Juliet. Juliet Carter." She identified herself and Kate's frown deepened. Why was Juliet contacting her after all this time? It had been over a month since they had seen each other at the Precinct when Juliet had been there for questioning.

"Oh, hi, Juliet. How are you?" She said nicely, but even she could hear the confused tone in her own voice.

"Oh, sweetheart, I was wondering if I could talk to you. I know it's late, but maybe we could meet for a cup of coffee?" She suggested and Kate suddenly felt herself tense. Rick chose this moment to walk in with a tray full of brownies and ice cream.

"Is everything okay, Juliet?" She asked cautiously and heard the woman sigh on the other side of the line. Rick looked at her with concern, but she shook her head, offering him a small smile.

"I'd rather talk to you about it in person, Katie. Is that okay?" She said and Kate tried to quench the sudden overwhelming desire to hang up and ignore this completely. Something about her tone was setting alarm bells in her head.

"Sure. I'm in Tribeca right now. There's a coffee shop a couple of blocks away from here." She told her the address and Juliet said she would meet her there. After hanging up, she took a deep breath and felt Rick touch her hand.

"Everything okay?" he asked quietly and she shook her head.

"I don't know. I have to go meet someone." She said, trying to disentangle herself from the kids without waking them. "An old friend of my parents'. Said she needed to talk to me."

"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked, helping settle the twins on the couch, allowing Kate to get up. She shook her head, but squeezed his hand gratefully. "Are you coming back here afterward?"

"Do you want me to?" She leaned up and kissed his lips chastely. They had barely been able to spend some alone time tonight with the kids around.

"Obviously." He said, capturing her lips in a deep kiss. "I miss you." He whispered and she smiled, kissing him again.

"I'll come back as soon as I can."

She played with the hair on the nape of his neck and leaned her forehead on his shoulder for a moment, trying to draw some of his strength to go out again and deal with whatever Juliet wanted to talk to her about. Kissing him one more time, she put her shoes on and grabbed her purse. It was a warm June night and she figured she would forgo her jacket this time, leaving it draped over the back of his couch.

She walked the few blocks to Pierre's Café, where she had told Juliet to meet her, and sat at a booth near the window. She figured she still had a few minutes to spare, so she decided to order a hot chocolate, not wanting to drink anything with caffeine so late. It was already close to 10pm and she wanted to get a decent night of sleep tonight. After letting Rick thoroughly exhaust her, of course, she thought with a small smile. He had been so great these past few weeks and their chemistry in bed was off the charts and so much better than she had expected. She kept thinking that it couldn't get any better, but he managed to prove her wrong every time.

In a way, she felt like she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things were so perfect these days that she felt like everything was just too good to be true. Regardless, she was enjoying the hell out of it and she admitted to herself that she was really close to falling for him. That is, if she wasn't already in love with him. It had been a while since she had last fallen for a guy and back then it hadn't been this intense as what she had with Rick was.

"Katie, thank you so much for coming." Juliet's voice interrupted her inner musings and Kate looked up at the older woman as she sat across from her.

"You sounded nervous on the phone. Is everything okay?" Kate decided to just cut to the chase. It was late and she wanted to go home.

"Did you get the file?" Juliet asked quietly, looking around like a scared animal.

"Wait, that was you?" Kate asked in disbelief and Juliet nodded guiltily. "Why?" Her voice shook a little and Kate took a deep breath.

"I needed to tell someone. Especially after Mr. Blanchard and the others were killed. They were getting death threats for weeks before it happened." She said rushed and Kate leaned closer to catch everything as Juliet was talking so quietly.

"Why didn't you say anything when you were at the precinct?"

"I was scared. I sent you the articles, hoping you would connect the cases. Senator Donovan is a powerful guy and I couldn't afford to come right out and tell you. And then the killings started and I was terrified." She whispered and sighed. "I'm so sorry, Katie."

"How'd you get those files?" Kate asked firmly, letting the detective side of her take over. "They disappeared after mom and dad…"

"Your mother always asked me to make a copy of everything." Juliet interrupted. "So that night they were killed, the original files were taken, but I still had the copy."

"Why didn't you come forward then?"

"They had just killed your parents over those evidences. I couldn't… I was terrified, Katie. I thought if I did, they would kill me too." A tear slipped down the older woman's cheek and Kate felt sorry for her. "But now, it's happening all over again. I _had_ to do something."

"Okay, Juliet. What do you know about the case now?" Kate asked gently, touching Juliet's hand. The woman smiled at her, apparently relieved that Kate wasn't blaming her for anything. "We can protect you. Nobody has to know that you told us anything." She smiled encouragingly at her mother's old friend and took a sip of her hot chocolate.

Something hot suddenly sprayed over her and Kate watched in shock as Juliet suddenly slumped forward on the table.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know some of you might be disappointed at the tame version of their first time, but I didn't want to change the rating just because of this. It's not what this story is about and I thought this would be best. Let me know what you thought?**


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